"Honesty with you isn't really about you graduating faster." He's given his deal to Pagan, after all, there's no benefit to Lark. "I like knowing that you and I are a team. You're not my subordinate. I trust your perspective. I wouldn't get any of that if I lied to you."
The rest? It's harder to say. "I don't enjoy lying. I try not to, to be honest. If I can get away with it I just let people make their own assumptions and then run with it. And that works pretty well here, it's just... people have room here to give a shit about me, even when they'd be wiser not to. I don't want to take that for granted." A beat. "Anymore."
"Almost," he starts out with a grin. "As if you were an inmate and have since graduated because you learned something better."
He sits back thoughtfully. "For what it's worth, Lark. I have never felt your subordinate. Oh, perhaps at first, when you and I didn't know each other, when we were still talking. But now? No. There's no one else I'd want by my side."
It's extremely hard to ping the part of Lark that cares what people think. It's even harder to make him feel- whatever it is he's feeling now, a warmth in his chest he can't identify with words.
"You know I'll never be able to be a warden after this. I'd spend too much time judging the next inmate by you." And finding them lacking. He can't even make it sound like he's teasing, because he's not.
"What I needed most, I have. I came here because I wanted to save Alec, and then I did. I came here because I wanted to be sure the rest of his people wouldn't face the same genetic issues he had, but Alec has that covered. Giving a better space for people here and giving you back your family is-" Enough. Lark is never satisfied with enough, but the thought of these things being done is, "Satisfying."
"He won't." Alec thought he would, Lark is pretty sure. But Alec has a very well-hidden streak of loyalty. "And I'll be around until he's done; someone has to keep him out of trouble. What are you going to do as soon as you find out you've graduated?
"Leave," he says easily. "Say my goodbyes and then go. I have no reason to stick around. Besides, if I graduate before some of the people here, they might come for my head. Can you imagine if I graduated before Tess?"
He can picture that, in fact. "There was a mass murder right after I graduated which I doubt was related, but I'll still take credit for."
He sits back, smirking. "I'll never pressure you because Lord knows we both do things on our own time and it wouldn't help anyway, but I want you to graduate before Tess."
He laughs softly. He would love to see the look on her face. But that does remind him of something. He stands up, retrieving a small memory card from a drawer. "Take this and don't listen to it," he tells him.
"It's a recording of the conversation I had with Kazuma's daughter. He hasn't listened to it yet and doesn't want to. I made it private afterwards and I have a copy on my phone but if something happens to me and I disappear or graduate before he's ready to hear it, I want to make sure someone else has a copy."
He takes it and looks at it a moment before he slips it into one of the inner pockets of his jacket. "If the worst happens, what do you want me to do with it?"
"Okay." He's obviously curious about the conversation but just like he won't lie to Pagan, he won't breach that bit of confidence. "How are things with you two lately?"
"From him," he tells him. "The specific ones that I hate. About being redeemable. About having potential." The ones that have always been hard for him.
"I did at first," he points out. "It took me a while to believe you, you see. Believe that you meant it. And it's easier to believe with you. You're a shithead. Kazuma is - good."
"It's counterintuitive but now that I think about it, I'd be the same way. But then, Alec took two years to compliment me on anything but my looks," chuckling.
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The rest? It's harder to say. "I don't enjoy lying. I try not to, to be honest. If I can get away with it I just let people make their own assumptions and then run with it. And that works pretty well here, it's just... people have room here to give a shit about me, even when they'd be wiser not to. I don't want to take that for granted." A beat. "Anymore."
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He sits back thoughtfully. "For what it's worth, Lark. I have never felt your subordinate. Oh, perhaps at first, when you and I didn't know each other, when we were still talking. But now? No. There's no one else I'd want by my side."
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"You know I'll never be able to be a warden after this. I'd spend too much time judging the next inmate by you." And finding them lacking. He can't even make it sound like he's teasing, because he's not.
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Little bitch.
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He sits back, smirking. "I'll never pressure you because Lord knows we both do things on our own time and it wouldn't help anyway, but I want you to graduate before Tess."
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"It's a recording of the conversation I had with Kazuma's daughter. He hasn't listened to it yet and doesn't want to. I made it private afterwards and I have a copy on my phone but if something happens to me and I disappear or graduate before he's ready to hear it, I want to make sure someone else has a copy."
He hands it over.
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"Fine," he finally says. "Actually. I've stopped feeling the need to argue with him every time he tries to say something nice."
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"Wouldn't he be a better judge than I am, then?"
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"Exactly why it took me so long to start believing him," he points out.
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"I don't believe him because he's good. Because good people aren't supposed to see me like that, Lark."
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