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[ukan]

This is Lark Tennant, leave a message.

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[ukan]

"People who dabble in grey morality like you fine," Lark says dryly. "And I don't think Anita would object to every part of you. She doesn't with me."

[crab_rangoon]

"Again, I have to ask, where are we going with this, Lark? Are you trying to get me to make new friends? Anita and I have been friends for a while," he says gently.

[ukan]

"You have. I'm just trying to understand what it means that you would rather jump off a cliff to wake yourself up than tell that friend something. I know what it would mean if I did it, and I'm not saying I wouldn't do it--there are plenty of people I don't want nosing around my past. But you aren't me and I don't want to put my motives in your mouth."

[crab_rangoon]

He tenses slightly. "Because I wanted it to be over with," he tells him. "Because I wanted it to end. What is so difficult to understand about that?"

And certainly not because she had been making good points. Certainly not because she had a point. Not because he was starting to feel like rethinking it.

[ukan]

Lark just watches him evenly, knowing that for the defensive answer it is. that's not all there is to it, and he's content to wait to see what Pagan says next.

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan stares him down for a long, long moment. "Lark..." he says softly, almost warningly.

[ukan]

"You asked me here," he says, just as soft. "Don't back out now."

[crab_rangoon]

"Well, maybe I am un-asking you now," he tells him. "Look, I know where this is going to lead, Lark. I know where this path goes, and I don't want to travel it."

Suddenly, he really wants a drink. He settles for just looking annoyed.

[ukan]

"Where does it lead?" Lark challenges. "Because God knows the path you're afraid of never goes where you think it will."

[crab_rangoon]

"It leads to me doing something different with the Golden Path," he says. "Something other than simply killing them for their affiliation."

[ukan]

He nods slightly, weighs that in his mind for a moment. "Is that something you see yourself doing, or something you think is expected of you?"

[crab_rangoon]

"It's something I need to do, but I don't want to," he tells him firmly. "It was easier when I had Ishwari with me. Easier before they fucking killed my daughter."

[ukan]

Need and want are two very different things. Lark won't pretend even for a moment that they aren't, and that need trumps want every time. "Is everyone in the organization to blame for that? Or are there people who would never murder a child?"

[crab_rangoon]

"Why should they get a pass if they continue to follow Mohan, even after his death?" he challenges, digging his heels into this issue.

[ukan]

"Because people lie. Most leaders lie. They make promises they will never follow through on--the carrot tied always out of reach. You know that."

[crab_rangoon]

"And they should know that, Lark," he says lightly, playful tone masking his real feelings. "But why should they matter to me?"

[ukan]

He smirks. Go ahead and keep dodging the real answer, Pagan, he has all the time in the world. "Because fewer people to kill means more free time for you?"

[crab_rangoon]

That smirk. Pagan sets his jaw, still managing a grin. "I would really like to hit you right now. What do you want me to say?"

[ukan]

"I want to know what you would do if they could be convinced they were wrong about you."

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan, at this moment, knows what the answer should be. He knows what's reasonable and logical.

He does not go that way.

"Then I would give then a hearty 'I told you so' from the other side of the gun. They're nothing more than idiotic pheasants, these Golden Path rebels. Down to the very last soldier."

[ukan]

"Fair enough," Lark says, clearly not buying what Pagan is selling. "But a complete waste of time and resources. If you tried that on me, I'd have you over a barrel by the end of the year."

[crab_rangoon]

He bows up slightly, clenching his teeth tighter. Shutting down. Annoyed.

"You think so? Well, you wouldn't be on that side, Lark."

[ukan]

"I'm saying you're more creative than that, Pagan." Lark watches him evenly. "Are you angry?"

[crab_rangoon]

"No," he says with a sing to his tone, but he walks it back. He can't lie. Not to Lark.

"Yes."

[ukan]

"Why?" Lark has never, and will never, make assumptions about what Pagan is thinking or feeling.