IC CONTACT

[ukan]

This is Lark Tennant, leave a message.

[Or a note, or a drop-by]

Comments

[crab_rangoon]

"It's something I need to do, but I don't want to," he tells him firmly. "It was easier when I had Ishwari with me. Easier before they fucking killed my daughter."

[ukan]

Need and want are two very different things. Lark won't pretend even for a moment that they aren't, and that need trumps want every time. "Is everyone in the organization to blame for that? Or are there people who would never murder a child?"

[crab_rangoon]

"Why should they get a pass if they continue to follow Mohan, even after his death?" he challenges, digging his heels into this issue.

[ukan]

"Because people lie. Most leaders lie. They make promises they will never follow through on--the carrot tied always out of reach. You know that."

[crab_rangoon]

"And they should know that, Lark," he says lightly, playful tone masking his real feelings. "But why should they matter to me?"

[ukan]

He smirks. Go ahead and keep dodging the real answer, Pagan, he has all the time in the world. "Because fewer people to kill means more free time for you?"

[crab_rangoon]

That smirk. Pagan sets his jaw, still managing a grin. "I would really like to hit you right now. What do you want me to say?"

[ukan]

"I want to know what you would do if they could be convinced they were wrong about you."

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan, at this moment, knows what the answer should be. He knows what's reasonable and logical.

He does not go that way.

"Then I would give then a hearty 'I told you so' from the other side of the gun. They're nothing more than idiotic pheasants, these Golden Path rebels. Down to the very last soldier."

[ukan]

"Fair enough," Lark says, clearly not buying what Pagan is selling. "But a complete waste of time and resources. If you tried that on me, I'd have you over a barrel by the end of the year."

[crab_rangoon]

He bows up slightly, clenching his teeth tighter. Shutting down. Annoyed.

"You think so? Well, you wouldn't be on that side, Lark."

[ukan]

"I'm saying you're more creative than that, Pagan." Lark watches him evenly. "Are you angry?"

[crab_rangoon]

"No," he says with a sing to his tone, but he walks it back. He can't lie. Not to Lark.

"Yes."

[ukan]

"Why?" Lark has never, and will never, make assumptions about what Pagan is thinking or feeling.

[crab_rangoon]

"Because you're fucking pissing me off," he answers easily.

[ukan]

"Because I'm not letting you off the hook?" Patient, but ready to spring if that's what Pagan needs.

[crab_rangoon]

"Lark, just go away. I don't think we are getting anywhere," he murmurs.

[ukan]

"All right," he stands. His voice is soft with thought. "Just know that I wasn't trying to offend you. I'm trying to understand without putting words in your mouth."

Which is not the same thing as not knowing there are words there already that Pagan is not saying

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan stares straight ahead.

"No, no. Don't leave."

He knows he's being difficult, but he tears his fingers through his hair. Annoyed, but not at Lark. At himself. As always.

"I don't know what to do, Lark. Tell me what to do."

[ukan]

He sits, Pagan's indecision flowing over him without making a ripple.

"Breathe deep. And just talk. It doesn't have to make sense. Let it contradict itself."

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan stares at the floor and then stands up, pacing his room. "I know I should let them off, should - oh fuck, I don't know. The little ones. The soldiers. The ones that don't matter. They deserve to go home to their families, don't they?"

He sets his jaw. "But I want them to pay. Because no amount of bloodshed, no amount of anger, no amount of revenge, will give me what I want. And that should be my answer, shouldn't it? But god, it feels good to put a bullet in them. Like I'm fulfilling some purpose. Like I'm doing something I should have done."

[ukan]

"Why 'should have done'? What do you see that killing peasants would have changed?" There's no judgment, for once but even Lark pitching at a loose thread. He just needs to hear Pagan speak.

[crab_rangoon]

"Killed him, Lark. I should have been the one to do it!" he finally says, tearing fingers through his hair.

[ukan]

"Tell me how it would have gone if you had," he murmurs.

[crab_rangoon]

"She wouldn't have left," he says. "She wouldn't have left because I would have taken care of us. Of our family the way I should have."