"I think it's important here. It ain't always what I'd do at home, but it's part of how I wanna be here." She rests her cheek against the arm of the couch. "I don't know how Iris does it."
"Does she do this?" An honest question. Lark confided in her his first time through, and she never made him regret that. "She's trustworthy but I've also never seen her face pressure to give up confidences the way you have."
"I don't think she does. She talks to nice people, and nasty people, and she brings people stuff in Zero no matter what they did. She stuck with Victor through everything, and Roderick, and everybody who's done awful stuff; she hung out with 'em and talked to 'em and tried to listen and understand no matter what. She does a lot of the same stuff I do, only nobody gives her shit for it or feels betrayed by it. I don't know how she does it. She's got something I don't have, and I don't know what it is."
Lark has noticed a difference in how Tiffany is treated, both by other wardens and by inmates.
"I would have been angry at her if she had been the one in the infirmary with me instead. I would have been angry with anyone. I might have reacted worse to her, actually."
But you know it's for you too, right? If you tell me stuff I won't repeat it to anybody. And I'll still be there if you do awful shit. You know that, right?
Sometimes. I don't know what I would be if I wasn't someone who was afraid of losing my life.
Or losing my people. [That's a new sensation for him. His people are usually fairly disposable. But now, he thinks often of Alec tersely running him through gun drills. He thinks of himself trying to give Tommy and Rey one last good night. Of swimming with Nina, and hugging Tiffany to him.
The pressure will crack some people. You have to find ways to relieve the tension. Singing songs, laughing, competing. I can't stress that enough, you have to.
When I'm alone. When I start thinking about other people being alone. When I start thinking about who's hiding in their cabins, and who I haven't seen in a while, and who could disappear 'cause they ain't being looked at - stuff like that.
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"I would have been angry at her if she had been the one in the infirmary with me instead. I would have been angry with anyone. I might have reacted worse to her, actually."
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[She doesn't relax, but she unfurls a little, not curling in on herself quite so tightly.]
Are you scared, Lark?
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Or losing my people. [That's a new sensation for him. His people are usually fairly disposable. But now, he thinks often of Alec tersely running him through gun drills. He thinks of himself trying to give Tommy and Rey one last good night. Of swimming with Nina, and hugging Tiffany to him.
Things are very different here. ]
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So I'm afraid, more often than I want to admit. I have so much to lose now and I never intended to have any of it in the first place.
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[She doesn't mean it as an insult; she's not calling him callous. If anything, she sounds envious.]
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Is this the most afraid you've ever been?
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[She looks up, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand.]
Well, how about-- I skip dinner and just stay here.
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