IC CONTACT

[ukan]

Leave a message, knock on his door, etc.

Comments

[tucky]

"Are you still angry with me? I know you said before you understood why I did it, but are you still mad about it?"

[ukan]

No. I found who was behind it, and it's done. You and I need boundaries. I'm glad that you stand by yours.

[tucky]

Boundaries. What do you mean, boundaries?

[ukan]

I know now how important it is to you that you can be a secure place for the inmates. I won't ask you like I did then.

[tucky]

But you know it's for you too, right? If you tell me stuff I won't repeat it to anybody. And I'll still be there if you do awful shit. You know that, right?

[ukan]

Yeah. I do. I knew after that day in the infirmary.

[tucky]

Okay.

[She doesn't relax, but she unfurls a little, not curling in on herself quite so tightly.]

Are you scared, Lark?

[ukan]

Sometimes. I don't know what I would be if I wasn't someone who was afraid of losing my life.

Or losing my people. [That's a new sensation for him. His people are usually fairly disposable. But now, he thinks often of Alec tersely running him through gun drills. He thinks of himself trying to give Tommy and Rey one last good night. Of swimming with Nina, and hugging Tiffany to him.

Things are very different here. ]

[tucky]

No, I mean-- right now. More than usual. Because of the Land of the Dead.

[ukan]

I know. That's what I meant. I try to lock out the fear, but to do that and have it really work... I'd have to stop caring.

So I'm afraid, more often than I want to admit. I have so much to lose now and I never intended to have any of it in the first place.

[tucky]

You seem so... calm. Regular.

[She doesn't mean it as an insult; she's not calling him callous. If anything, she sounds envious.]

[ukan]

It comes with a lot of practice. There's a lot to fear at home.

Is this the most afraid you've ever been?

[tucky]

It's the most afraid I've ever been for this long a time. It's the longest I've ever waited, knowing something awful was gonna happen.

[ukan]

The pressure will crack some people. You have to find ways to relieve the tension. Singing songs, laughing, competing. I can't stress that enough, you have to.

[tucky]

But the tension's cracking me.

[ukan]

Which is why I'm ordering you to take an hour every day to do something that has nothing to do with preparing.

[tucky]

What do you want me to do?

[ukan]

Well, when do you find yourself worrying the most?

[tucky]

When I'm alone. When I start thinking about other people being alone. When I start thinking about who's hiding in their cabins, and who I haven't seen in a while, and who could disappear 'cause they ain't being looked at - stuff like that.

[ukan]

Then after dinner tonight, you'll come back here or I'll go to you.

[tucky]

Really?

[She looks up, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand.]

Well, how about-- I skip dinner and just stay here.

[ukan]

[He smiles fondly] We can do that. But you'll need to grab a pillow and blanket from your cabin, I think...I've only got the set the Admiral gave me when I got here and it's mostly dog fur now.

[tucky]

Okay.

[She gets up - but instead of going to the door, she makes a detour over to Lark, sagging forward and dropping her forehead against his shoulder. She lets out a heavy, shaky sigh, closing her eyes.]

[ukan]

[If there is one thing you learn as a wolf, it's this: how to stroke someone's hair well enough that it almost counts as a sedative.]

What can you tell me about what happened?

[tucky]

I think I made somebody I really care about hate me. I don't think she will ever forgive me. And... she was wrong about some stuff she thought about me, but she was right about some other stuff, and I think the stuff she was right about was the real deal-breaker.