Sometimes. I don't know what I would be if I wasn't someone who was afraid of losing my life.
Or losing my people. [That's a new sensation for him. His people are usually fairly disposable. But now, he thinks often of Alec tersely running him through gun drills. He thinks of himself trying to give Tommy and Rey one last good night. Of swimming with Nina, and hugging Tiffany to him.
The pressure will crack some people. You have to find ways to relieve the tension. Singing songs, laughing, competing. I can't stress that enough, you have to.
When I'm alone. When I start thinking about other people being alone. When I start thinking about who's hiding in their cabins, and who I haven't seen in a while, and who could disappear 'cause they ain't being looked at - stuff like that.
[He smiles fondly] We can do that. But you'll need to grab a pillow and blanket from your cabin, I think...I've only got the set the Admiral gave me when I got here and it's mostly dog fur now.
[She gets up - but instead of going to the door, she makes a detour over to Lark, sagging forward and dropping her forehead against his shoulder. She lets out a heavy, shaky sigh, closing her eyes.]
I think I made somebody I really care about hate me. I don't think she will ever forgive me. And... she was wrong about some stuff she thought about me, but she was right about some other stuff, and I think the stuff she was right about was the real deal-breaker.
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Or losing my people. [That's a new sensation for him. His people are usually fairly disposable. But now, he thinks often of Alec tersely running him through gun drills. He thinks of himself trying to give Tommy and Rey one last good night. Of swimming with Nina, and hugging Tiffany to him.
Things are very different here. ]
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So I'm afraid, more often than I want to admit. I have so much to lose now and I never intended to have any of it in the first place.
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[She doesn't mean it as an insult; she's not calling him callous. If anything, she sounds envious.]
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Is this the most afraid you've ever been?
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[She looks up, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand.]
Well, how about-- I skip dinner and just stay here.
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[She gets up - but instead of going to the door, she makes a detour over to Lark, sagging forward and dropping her forehead against his shoulder. She lets out a heavy, shaky sigh, closing her eyes.]
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What can you tell me about what happened?
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But it still ain't something I wanna change. At least not totally.
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