ukan | spam; the last journal post

spam; the last journal post

[Getting on board was a moment of chaos. He remembers turning a corner, expecting to find fur and blood in his mouth, expecting maybe to get torn up in return, expecting maybe a bullet from above to take him down, too-

But instead he's somewhere metal, somewhere that smells of strangers and strangeness, and he's bleeding a trail but he runs for safety anyway. If there is any. If there are doors, anywhere, that he can open without changing back, because this has to be the FBI's work and so long as they think he's just a wolf, maybe they won't slit him open and poke around inside.]

[ooc: Lark is a wolf, for now. He'll have to change back sooner or later even if he doesn't want to, so feel free to tag him as human or wolf, just lemme know which.]

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[He'll like you even if ~~when~~ you do :c ]

Not yet. The Wardens I know are all paired. But my last two Wardens from before didn't go very well for me. I'd rather not waste my time with more of the same.

[At least he'll understand the motive? Even if he can't condone the actions.]

Ah. [He smiles a little, though it's more thoughtful than anything.] You sound a little like my first inmate.

I don't know if there's a rhyme or reason to the way the Admiral pairs people. But if you find someone, it probably couldn't hurt to have them ask.

Probably.

[Knowing the Admiral, he might do something to spite you. So.]

[He's worried about that spite factor. He saw the Admiral do some ridiculous things just to passive aggressively turn people down.

But finding out how negative a person can be is still a useful thing to know, isn't it?]

How would you feel if I asked him if I could be paired with you after your inmate graduates? Just to test and see what he does?

[Exactly. The Admiral is both a handy and terrifying guy to have as your boss.

A lot like Steve's other boss, back home.

But that is a useful thing to know.

Steve considers that - looking at Lark a minute, just because he doesn't do anything by halves, even if his reply comes out as more of a joke than anything.] I'd say you're welcome to try it, but be careful what you wish for - because if he says yes, you might be waiting a long time.

[T'Pol is about as stubborn as Steve is. It's been slow going.

But still, he feels compelled to add,] I'm not going anywhere, though.

[The reason he came here is here. So, really, what reason does he have to leave? Honestly, at this point, he's not even sure he has a deal anymore. The Admiral can't give him what he asked for, either way. But he was never here for the deal, in the first place.]

If he does say yes, I can live with that. Waiting isn't the same as having my time actively wasted. [He billed a ridiculous amount of money per minute back home. He's touchy about the difference between downtime and lost time.]

Thank you, Steve.

[And now they're talking about business:] How is your inmate?

No, I guess it's not. [Because Steve knows the difference, too. He dares you to find anyone in any military service who doesn't.]

You're welcome.

[And he means it. If the Admiral says yes? Steve's one hundred percent on board.

But he'd definitely meant what he said, because,] Well, stubborn is the first word that comes to mind. In fact, it's about the only word that comes to mind, and I can't even blame her. She's had a rough time with humans, and last I checked, that's what I am.

[So you can probably imagine just how well this is going.] Her name's T'Pol.

[Maybe she might like you, if you tell her you're not fully human.]

[He hums in quiet understanding. Nearly all his packmates were glad to be rid of their humanity, to be as far from those who had hurt them as possible.]

Does she get along with anyone here? It's mostly humans everywhere you turn.

It mostly is. Or close enough.

[Steve frowns a little.] If she does, she hasn't deigned to tell me about it.

I think she could use some friends, though. Even if she believes she doesn't need them.

I'll keep an eye out. [Of course there are no promises, he knows Steve knows that so he doesn't bother stating it. But she does seem like the sort of person Lark is most drawn to, so with or without knowing Steve, Lark would likely have ended up noticing her at some point.]

There's been no progress, though?

[Steve nods. Oh, he definitely knows there are no promises, but she might respond to Lark, and that's why he mentioned it in the first place. He's really not in the habit of giving up personal information about his inmate unless he thinks it's important.]

Not... really. I think any progress we make is going to have to be slow, though. I've got to prove to her that yes, the humans who did what they did to her and her people are bad, and I'm not arguing that. I don't think she's wrong for fighting against them.

But not all humans are bad. We're capable of more than just horrors. I'd like her to believe that, someday. But I don't know how to show her that, other than - well, showing her. Which just takes time.

[The ironic thing is, time is why Steve came here in the first place.]

I want to ask what the humans are doing in her world, but...I think I need to hear it from her first. You know?

[But don't believe for a second that he isn't dying to know more about her, about the friction, about what she wants.]

How long have you been paired?

[It doesn't matter if he's dying to know - the fact that he wants to hear it from T'Pol means a lot. A hell of a lot, and Steve's face shows it.] I thin that's the best way to hear it, straight and honest. [T'Pol is many things, but a liar is not one of them.]

About six months - since the very end of December. But I'd met her the first day she arrived.

That was a doozy of a first impression.

[And since Lark is asking, Steve figures he'll offer up a little more information, at least about himself.] She's not my first permanent inmate, but Mindy, uh, was sent home before she could graduate. [A pause, then,] A little like you, then huh?

I think I remember Mindy. She knew Chris somehow... [That bit's fuzzy, he and Mindy hadn't had much to do with each other since by then Lark had his pack set up and had no use for more members (and couldn't have taken on another girl anyway).]

What was that first impression with T'Pol?

Yeah, she did. Not exactly the best of pals, those two. [Chris's family had pretty much ruined Mindy's. But it doesn't much matter now.]

Right, well. She showed up with a pair of heavy metal manacles, and I offered to help her out of them. Turns out, she was not thrilled with a human who planned to just bend the metal with his bare hands, and clocked me upside the head before getting the hell out of Dodge.

[He smiles, actually, a little lopsidedly.] Not the first dame to book it out of my presence, but I really hadn't meant to scare her. It was my own fault, I should've explained.

[He chuckles, but winces. If he'd met Steve at full size when he was still trying to figure out if he'd been taken by the government for dissection, he probably would have done just what T'Pol did.] How long was it before she spoke to you again?

Actually, only a couple of hours. So I guess that was a good sign.

It depends on how the conversation went, I think.

About as well as any conversations go with her.

She told me a little about her world, though. It didn't give me much respect for the way most humans have handled things, although I realize I don't have the whole story. Who ever does, though?

True. But maybe it doesn't matter. The story as she sees it, as she's lived it, is as real as it can possible get. Trying to tell her their side or using them as a way to seek middle ground won't change what she's gone through and would only make her angry.

Sometimes people just need to burn through the rage and sometimes they can't do that alone.

[Steve nods - and his face, while it doesn't go hard, does get decidedly serious.] Oh, there's no middle ground. What they're doing is wrong, and it needs to stop.

[And, quite frankly, he has been entertaining what's probably a crazy notion for a while, now, but... look, Captain America exists to put a stop to that kind of thing.

But it's not an option, just at the moment. Nor would it help T'Pol, here and now.]Her people don't deal with emotions, like humans do. They suppress them, intentionally. They believe in acting based on logic, not based on rage.

[But he can't blame her for feeling rage.]

[That's a complicated problem, not just for the human involvement but now for Steve's personal investment.] Then...is the ethical thing to do to encourage her to suppress, to learn to be more like her people?

It's not my first reaction, but it's not about me. I'm here to help her, so if that's what will help her, then yes.

[There's a lot he won't say, because it's not Lark's business, but that's what it boils down to.

Although he considers Lark for a minute.] You don't have to answer. But you said you think like a wolf, even when you don't look like one.

Do you hate that you have to act less like a wolf if you want to fit in with the rest of us schmucks?

[There are always going to be things he can't, or won't, say to Steve. His affection is genuine, but Lark does view people based on what they can or can't be convinced to do for him, and everything he does works toward that.

But he decides to answer this, even with the small risk an honest answer carries.]

Yes. Sometimes. With some people, they just know what I am on a subconscious level. They view me as a threat without ever consciously realizing it, and it makes it hard to hold a conversation with them. If I didn't have to hide what I am, everything would be a lot more straight forward. Easier.

If people knew how much I can smell, I wouldn't have to pretend someone's aftershave isn't too strong, or that someone's nail polish isn't burning my sinuses. They'd probably make sure they shower more thoroughly after sex.

But it's also hard to communicate as clearly with a human as I can with another wolf. There are all kinds of tiny muscle movements that people don't notice, but which change everything between wolves.

Why do you ask?

Edited 2015-07-17 06:53 (UTC)

[Steve nods, listening to the answer and considering it seriously. He's not surprised by it, honestly. Nor does he hold it against Lark in the least.

He does finally smile a little at the bit about smell, and it's this stragely understanding sort of look.] Hoo boy, let me tell you, if that bothers you? Don't join the Army. Buncha guys that don't get the opportunity to shower for weeks is not the way to live if you've got a sensitive nose.

[Okay, so the Army gave him that sensitive nose. And he doesn't regret it in the least. Nor is it as sensitive as Lark's - or T'Pol's, not by a long shot.

He debates for a minute, how much to say. He finally settles on,] T'Pol acts very human, if you ask me, for someone who hates everything humanity stands for. But when you're surrounded by the enemy and punished for what you are, you learn to act like the people you hate. Take those people away, and maybe it's hard to find yourself again.

[He shrugs.] I've never had to pretend I'm something I'm not - not really. [That stupid stint acting, that was different, and embarrassing and a lot of other things, but it was still acting, and he knew it, and so it was different.] I guess you could say I've had the luxury of always being who I thought I should be, even when it got me a broken nose and two black eyes. But I need to try to understand what it feels like, if I'm going to try to understand how to help someone fix it.

[He chuckles] Ah, the smell of patriotism. It's less like hotdogs and apple pie and more like mud, blood, tears, and unwashed fatigues. I wonder why they haven't bottled that to sell at department stores.

[Steve's answer makes him somehow even more curious about her. It's going to be a struggle not to come on too strong when he does meet her.]

It's...one of those things that I could talk about it, as eloquently as I could, for hours and still not really explain it. Without living it, it's going to be an abstract.

But- if you want...I could show you what it's like to have to adapt and hide.

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