ukan | IC Inbox III

Switching kitchen shifts.

Why?

Trixie's by herself at breakfast.

All right.

You're texting. Wouldn't talking be easier?

[No answer]

[Fine, he'll go find Trevor in person.]

[Trevor is in one of the parts of the library that was burned up, digging through some parts of it to find salvageable books and pushing bookcases back into place]

[He watches for a half-beat and then moves in to help, lifts a shelf, finds a pile of singed but legible books underneath.]

Are you okay?

[Trevor sees Lark, and pauses in his cleaning]

Yeah. Fine. You got this section?

[He moves to go to another part of the library to work without waiting for an answer, not thrilled about Lark and about being followed here]

I've got it.

But you should know, I'm here to follow up with you. You're my friend. I'm not interested in us giving up and trying to live in different corners from now on.

Christ.

You gave up. I kept doing what I've been doing for months.

You stabbed my brother in a situation he is here to handle. You made things actively worse because you couldn't read the room.

Your brother told me to wait. I waited.

Then told Ulla repeatedly she could kill him.

Then the deck started to come apart.

Then he starts laughing like a fucking madman.

I went to knock the mirror out of her hands and he jumped in front of my knife. I didn't fucking stab him, I wasn't even aiming for him.

He knows Ulla. He has strategies to deal with her. You don't have to like them, I probably don't either, but it's his business since he has information we don't. He told you to wait for a reason.

And if someone threw a knife at you after I told them to sit the fuck down, I'd jump in front of it, too. And they would still be in the wrong.

His strategies weren't working from where I was standing. And if I waited any longer, and he was wrong, we would be dead.

I don't want you taking knives for me. I take knives for you. And we wouldn't be in that position because I don't want to destroy this fucking ship like half the people here!

I don't need you to protect me, Trevor. Hell, I'm a monster. You should be glad I'm willing to put my soulless body on the line for you.

[Trevor gives a bark of a laugh, irritated beyond measure]

Please.

I haven't ever thought of you as a monster, and don't fucking bring souls into this conversation, I'm not a priest.

You don't put your life on the line for me. You've been holed up in your room. Which I don't care about, but don't act like it's a great sacrifice for you to get yelled at for something I did. Go yell at the Admiral if you want.

I don't give a shit who yells at me, Trevor. [He's been yelled at for worse things than this.] This is about the ship as a whole.

Besides, you're better at chewing him out than I am.

The ship as a whole. Right. Who burned down the library, and who ran in to go stop the library from burning? Who got Daniel out in time?

Who went to go stop the deck from being torn up? Who called the infirmary afterwards? Who apologized to both Ulla, and Warren, when the situation turned out to be more fucking complicated?

Who's been making sure the kids are safe and trained up? Who volunteered to be a human test dummy so that Gonou wouldn't kill any more people on accident?

All this shit's been happening, and the only time I see you is when you try and take my weapons from me and tie my hands behind my back. You told me once when I was in Zero for fuck-all that you were the only warden in between me and the rest of this ship, but it looks from here like you're the one trying to slice my tendons.

I have never said I want you to stop helping. I'm saying I want you to stop thinking every situation needs you to rush in with a hammer. I'm saying stop and fucking think. Work with other people instead of setting yourself up as the lone savior, because some people are here to learn to be as proactive as you are, and you are taking that lesson away from them. Help them learn how to do what you do.

I'm sorry I haven't been around. [There is the smallest fracture in his voice. He swallows.] I should have been. It's going to change

[Christ. Trevor rubs at his face, angry and unable to direct it anywhere useful. Kicking Lark when he's down feels like such a bully move]

I don't want you around. I don't need you to help me graduate, we've already been through that.

Keep helping Misty, or whatever other inmates come your way. I'll do the same. Just don't keep trying to make yourself the authority on everything I do. I fucked up with Ulla, I apologized, and no one should have involved you to begin with.

And if people yell at you, direct them back at me. I yell well enough. Obviously.

You realize this is just proving my point about your savior complex, don't you?

I think you need to look up whether excommunicates can have savior complexes.

And I don't have one. The whole fucking point of running this fight club every month is to get everyone comfortable with the idea of doing what I do. Even Daniel's coming next month, or so he tells me. Maybe then I can take a fucking nap the next time someone else does something to burn down a part of the ship.

Please. People were fighting long before you got here. They weren't fighting for a cause. You can teach them that, put their fists to good use, maybe break people out of the endless cycle of tantrums and murders.

After the library

Re: After the library

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a few minutes later

whoops ignore me

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