He knows Ulla. He has strategies to deal with her. You don't have to like them, I probably don't either, but it's his business since he has information we don't. He told you to wait for a reason.
And if someone threw a knife at you after I told them to sit the fuck down, I'd jump in front of it, too. And they would still be in the wrong.
His strategies weren't working from where I was standing. And if I waited any longer, and he was wrong, we would be dead.
I don't want you taking knives for me. I take knives for you. And we wouldn't be in that position because I don't want to destroy this fucking ship like half the people here!
[Trevor gives a bark of a laugh, irritated beyond measure]
Please.
I haven't ever thought of you as a monster, and don't fucking bring souls into this conversation, I'm not a priest.
You don't put your life on the line for me. You've been holed up in your room. Which I don't care about, but don't act like it's a great sacrifice for you to get yelled at for something I did. Go yell at the Admiral if you want.
The ship as a whole. Right. Who burned down the library, and who ran in to go stop the library from burning? Who got Daniel out in time?
Who went to go stop the deck from being torn up? Who called the infirmary afterwards? Who apologized to both Ulla, and Warren, when the situation turned out to be more fucking complicated?
Who's been making sure the kids are safe and trained up? Who volunteered to be a human test dummy so that Gonou wouldn't kill any more people on accident?
All this shit's been happening, and the only time I see you is when you try and take my weapons from me and tie my hands behind my back. You told me once when I was in Zero for fuck-all that you were the only warden in between me and the rest of this ship, but it looks from here like you're the one trying to slice my tendons.
I have never said I want you to stop helping. I'm saying I want you to stop thinking every situation needs you to rush in with a hammer. I'm saying stop and fucking think. Work with other people instead of setting yourself up as the lone savior, because some people are here to learn to be as proactive as you are, and you are taking that lesson away from them. Help them learn how to do what you do.
I'm sorry I haven't been around. [There is the smallest fracture in his voice. He swallows.] I should have been. It's going to change
[Christ. Trevor rubs at his face, angry and unable to direct it anywhere useful. Kicking Lark when he's down feels like such a bully move]
I don't want you around. I don't need you to help me graduate, we've already been through that.
Keep helping Misty, or whatever other inmates come your way. I'll do the same. Just don't keep trying to make yourself the authority on everything I do. I fucked up with Ulla, I apologized, and no one should have involved you to begin with.
And if people yell at you, direct them back at me. I yell well enough. Obviously.
I think you need to look up whether excommunicates can have savior complexes.
And I don't have one. The whole fucking point of running this fight club every month is to get everyone comfortable with the idea of doing what I do. Even Daniel's coming next month, or so he tells me. Maybe then I can take a fucking nap the next time someone else does something to burn down a part of the ship.
Please. People were fighting long before you got here. They weren't fighting for a cause. You can teach them that, put their fists to good use, maybe break people out of the endless cycle of tantrums and murders.
You're a fucking asshole, Lark. And I'm not going to stop running into fires or fucking, I don't know, savior complexing myself in order to let other people get taught a lesson. Especially when there's this much damage to the fucking ship in the process.
Lark, what the fuck do you want from me? I'm doing everything I can, I train the younger ones, I bully and intimidate the bigger ones, I stop fires, I call for help when I need it, I teach and-...
[He trails off, eyes narrowing at the back of someone's head, and there's sharp intake of breath before Trevor mutters;]
Give me a minute. I'll be right back.
[And he's walking quick at Kirei to say some rather forceful, intimidating things at him.]
[Lark meant what he said about wanting Trevor to stay engaged, so he hangs back and just listens to the exchange. And when Kirei is gone:] What was that about?
[Trevor comes back, stressed out and furious, albeit no longer so much at Lark. He eyes him at the question, letting the anger drain out of him to be replaced with a usual depression hollow. He can only take being pissed-off for so long at so many people before he just starts collapsing inward, and he's starting to reach his limits]
Just didn't want him in the library. He's a piece of shit.
Keep him away from Hunter. They're paired this month and I don't know how to read him. He's either an innocent party caught up in something, or someone really fucking good at manipulation.
Make the Admiral give you a warden file for him? Fuck if I know. I just want to make sure Hunter's going to be all right without me having to stalk the bastard.
He says he'll leave him alone, I'll check in with Hunter to make sure he did, and that'll be the end of it.
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Then told Ulla repeatedly she could kill him.
Then the deck started to come apart.
Then he starts laughing like a fucking madman.
I went to knock the mirror out of her hands and he jumped in front of my knife. I didn't fucking stab him, I wasn't even aiming for him.
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And if someone threw a knife at you after I told them to sit the fuck down, I'd jump in front of it, too. And they would still be in the wrong.
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I don't want you taking knives for me. I take knives for you. And we wouldn't be in that position because I don't want to destroy this fucking ship like half the people here!
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Please.
I haven't ever thought of you as a monster, and don't fucking bring souls into this conversation, I'm not a priest.
You don't put your life on the line for me. You've been holed up in your room. Which I don't care about, but don't act like it's a great sacrifice for you to get yelled at for something I did. Go yell at the Admiral if you want.
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Besides, you're better at chewing him out than I am.
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Who went to go stop the deck from being torn up? Who called the infirmary afterwards? Who apologized to both Ulla, and Warren, when the situation turned out to be more fucking complicated?
Who's been making sure the kids are safe and trained up? Who volunteered to be a human test dummy so that Gonou wouldn't kill any more people on accident?
All this shit's been happening, and the only time I see you is when you try and take my weapons from me and tie my hands behind my back. You told me once when I was in Zero for fuck-all that you were the only warden in between me and the rest of this ship, but it looks from here like you're the one trying to slice my tendons.
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I'm sorry I haven't been around. [There is the smallest fracture in his voice. He swallows.] I should have been. It's going to change
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I don't want you around. I don't need you to help me graduate, we've already been through that.
Keep helping Misty, or whatever other inmates come your way. I'll do the same. Just don't keep trying to make yourself the authority on everything I do. I fucked up with Ulla, I apologized, and no one should have involved you to begin with.
And if people yell at you, direct them back at me. I yell well enough. Obviously.
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And I don't have one. The whole fucking point of running this fight club every month is to get everyone comfortable with the idea of doing what I do. Even Daniel's coming next month, or so he tells me. Maybe then I can take a fucking nap the next time someone else does something to burn down a part of the ship.
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Life isn't a fucking lesson to be learned.
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And I never said stop helping. I'm not asking you to sit on your thumbs. I'm asking you to organize people into meaningful action.
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[He trails off, eyes narrowing at the back of someone's head, and there's sharp intake of breath before Trevor mutters;]
Give me a minute. I'll be right back.
[And he's walking quick at Kirei to say some rather forceful, intimidating things at him.]
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Just didn't want him in the library. He's a piece of shit.
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Keep him away from Hunter. They're paired this month and I don't know how to read him. He's either an innocent party caught up in something, or someone really fucking good at manipulation.
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Anyway. I don't want him near the kid until I can make sure what his motivations are.
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How can I help?
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He says he'll leave him alone, I'll check in with Hunter to make sure he did, and that'll be the end of it.
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