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"He said it was her idea. He was bored and angry and wanted an outlet but she pointed him in the direction he ran. And I believe it." Which is a problem.

"Do you remember when I told you every pack needs a girl?"

"Of course," he says with a dip of his head, "I pay a lot of attention to anything werewolf related. For obvious reasons."

"I wouldn't have turned you if you hadn't had Jacobi. If you hadn't told me you were in love, in real, lasting love." He looks at Warren a moment. "Because part of how the girls keep the pack together is that we're just not capable of hurting her. So we risk our lives for her, we make stupid decisions to keep her happy.

"And rationally I don't think that's what's going on with Seed. He's not a wolf, I get that. But it's hitting some very old scars in me."

He's not sure if he's been as specific with Lark as he is inside his head, because the fact of the matter is that he knows exactly how this is going to go. He knows he'll have a pack when they leave here. More importantly?

"Our girl is going to be the woman I'm bringing back with my deal. The bond we have with her is... that's already true. Not that she'd accept a stupid decision? But it's true for all of us. Each bond in the three... it's different. But equal."

Just because he's never been able to name the feeling he has about Maxwell beyond 'family' doesn't make that bond less. It just means that the English language hadn't provided a proper term for what they were. Maxwell would have to get on that herself when she got back.

He sighs out.

"Yes, I noticed. About Seed. What they have is... there are healthy aspects. And deeply unhealthy ones. It is my personal opinion? That this situation is a combination of her? And him. His own. personal feelings." A dip of his head. "And failings."

He has mild concerns about how that will turn out, but Jacobi isn't a wolf, and the woman Warren has in mind isn't either. It's something he means to hash out, to try to prepare Warren for, but this isn't the time.

"He'd be getting into some other kind of trouble if she wasn't here. But right now she has the reins and he wants her to have them. And while she is here giving him instant gratification, telling him what he thinks he wants to hear, listening to him, I don't know how effective you or I or Iris will be."

"Give it time," is his opinion on the whole thing, "which... I know he doesn't necessarily have. But. Forcing is only going to make the both of them hold on tighter. This?"

He shakes his head.

"It's going to go one of two directions. But we, and Iris, will have to see which direction it goes."

"I have some ideas. If it goes one way, I know what I'll do. If it goes the other, I have some options." Lark is never worried as long as he has strategies. Almost never.

"There's something, some very real potential, in him, Warren. If I can get him to stick to it, he could be something remarkable." A wry laugh. "If I was still an inmate I would have had him wrapped right around my finger, and I have to keep checking myself to be sure I'm not...trying to control too much. I care that he succeeds, I just need to let it be on his terms instead of mine."

Edited 2021-12-31 03:45 (UTC)

Warren can’t help a low chuckle.

“Most people here have amazing potential. That’s half of why they’re here, after all. But… you’re not wrong. He suits your kind of special. Just like Ulla suits mine.”

Which he mentions just to point out the fact that he too has a type. It’s not a criticism.

“He’s going to explode either way: his need to please… or his faith. One’s going to come out on top. I have my suspicions which one? For a few reasons. But I made it clear to him. That the paths do not overlap. No matter how much he wants them to.”

He looks over at Lark.

“This is where you need to wait. He has to fuck up, Lark. People like us? Need to fuck up.”

"I know. And I'm fine with him fucking up." A long sigh. "It was easier when I didn't give a damn about the rest of the ship. But I do now and I don't like anyone breaking things I'm invested in."

“Giving a damn can break you,” he says, eyes a little distant to keep the tone even. Then he shakes it off.

“The problem is? He’s been at the bottom. So he has to get back there before he really gets malleable.”

A small, knowing nod. "I'm trying to balance letting him hit rock bottom with how much damage he can do to those around him in the meantime."

Warren cracks a crooked grin.

“That’s why we work together. And. Nudge him. Towards the decision. Gently.”

He’s already played a gambit. He’ll have to see how Carol takes it.

"I like the long game," he muses. He's already ticking through idea after idea after idea, and all of them he is comfortable running with...except then his worry for the Barge crowds in.

"I used to hate this place. I think I probably still do, but I became territorial over it after year five or six."

“It was useful. To start. Now? I think it’s one of the most important places in the multiverse.”

He means that. He has… a lot of feelings about this place.

“It gave me you. And Iris. It gave me Jacobi back. And it’ll give me Maxwell. Ulla. Zack. Thomas. John. Some others who’ve left. I look at… just the quality of people who come here. The scope. The range. And thats? In three years. Just my life.”

He glances at Lark.

“It’s terrible. The Admiral? Hit or miss. The whole venture? An incredible risk. But no one ever said miracles come cheap.”

Edited 2022-01-01 01:37 (UTC)

"It let me have Alec. It let me have my own mind again." Which brings him back to his concern for John, and his fresh concerns for Warren.

"Were you a jealous man as a human? Did you experience it often?"

"Jealousy," he says, "implies I was concerned about me. What was mine. Myself."

He shakes his head.

"Particular. But not jealous."

A loooooong pause.

"...except about Jacobi. On occasion."

That. That's his concern.

"Give me an example of when you were?"

"From the past?"

He frowns a little.

"He dated another employee. I... thought he was boring."

A pause.

"I looked up a few things, but I didn't do anything."

"You remember how you felt when you changed the first time?" How emotions that were strong were suddenly almost unbearable in their intensity. How little things, scents that were undetectable before, were all-encompassing. The terrible, shredding, gorgeous intensity of all sensation and all emotion.

"We, the males, are hardwired for one mate. I've tried twice since I got with Alec to indulge him by adding another person." A flat look. "It failed. Spectacularly. And it's not because of my personality."

He nods. Slowly. Then adds-

"Jacobi is hardwired to want all of my attention. All the time. Except for when he doesn't. But. When he does? He doesn't want. anyone else involved."

He hums. "Hardwired in a literal sense?"

"In a personality sense. There is a reason he blew off Thomas's arm. He? is exponentially more jealous than I am."

He shakes his head. "You aren't hearing me. Your brain? Is literally changed. It's not about devotion anymore. It's not about loyalty. In some ways it's not even about choosing anymore. You are wired for one person. So what I'm asking is what role Maxwell is going to fill? If there was anything romantic, Warren, there won't be for you. Not like there was. And I hope I'm just jumping the gun and misunderstanding when you talk about the three of you working as one unit."

Edited 2022-01-01 03:07 (UTC)

He blinks. Literally? Just blinks. Swallows. Blinks again. Then looks back at Lark and there is no artifice there.

“That’s… no. No, not even a little. No. Everything between Maxwell and myself? And Jacobi? Is completely, utterly non-romantic. That is-“

He shakes his head.

“His best friend. My… family. Something… unnamed that isn’t sister. Or daughter. Mine but… never like that. For either of us.”

Lark's relief is immediate, almost palpable. "Thank... Good."

He rubs a hand over the back of his neck. "There are things I didn't explain to Iris because they aren't relevant. She's a different species, she's not male, and...with you I knew there was Jacobi. But I had this dread that I'd fucked up something important in your life."

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