ukan | IC CONTACT

“It was useful. To start. Now? I think it’s one of the most important places in the multiverse.”

He means that. He has… a lot of feelings about this place.

“It gave me you. And Iris. It gave me Jacobi back. And it’ll give me Maxwell. Ulla. Zack. Thomas. John. Some others who’ve left. I look at… just the quality of people who come here. The scope. The range. And thats? In three years. Just my life.”

He glances at Lark.

“It’s terrible. The Admiral? Hit or miss. The whole venture? An incredible risk. But no one ever said miracles come cheap.”

Edited 2022-01-01 01:37 (UTC)

"It let me have Alec. It let me have my own mind again." Which brings him back to his concern for John, and his fresh concerns for Warren.

"Were you a jealous man as a human? Did you experience it often?"

"Jealousy," he says, "implies I was concerned about me. What was mine. Myself."

He shakes his head.

"Particular. But not jealous."

A loooooong pause.

"...except about Jacobi. On occasion."

That. That's his concern.

"Give me an example of when you were?"

"From the past?"

He frowns a little.

"He dated another employee. I... thought he was boring."

A pause.

"I looked up a few things, but I didn't do anything."

"You remember how you felt when you changed the first time?" How emotions that were strong were suddenly almost unbearable in their intensity. How little things, scents that were undetectable before, were all-encompassing. The terrible, shredding, gorgeous intensity of all sensation and all emotion.

"We, the males, are hardwired for one mate. I've tried twice since I got with Alec to indulge him by adding another person." A flat look. "It failed. Spectacularly. And it's not because of my personality."

He nods. Slowly. Then adds-

"Jacobi is hardwired to want all of my attention. All the time. Except for when he doesn't. But. When he does? He doesn't want. anyone else involved."

He hums. "Hardwired in a literal sense?"

"In a personality sense. There is a reason he blew off Thomas's arm. He? is exponentially more jealous than I am."

He shakes his head. "You aren't hearing me. Your brain? Is literally changed. It's not about devotion anymore. It's not about loyalty. In some ways it's not even about choosing anymore. You are wired for one person. So what I'm asking is what role Maxwell is going to fill? If there was anything romantic, Warren, there won't be for you. Not like there was. And I hope I'm just jumping the gun and misunderstanding when you talk about the three of you working as one unit."

Edited 2022-01-01 03:07 (UTC)

He blinks. Literally? Just blinks. Swallows. Blinks again. Then looks back at Lark and there is no artifice there.

“That’s… no. No, not even a little. No. Everything between Maxwell and myself? And Jacobi? Is completely, utterly non-romantic. That is-“

He shakes his head.

“His best friend. My… family. Something… unnamed that isn’t sister. Or daughter. Mine but… never like that. For either of us.”

Lark's relief is immediate, almost palpable. "Thank... Good."

He rubs a hand over the back of his neck. "There are things I didn't explain to Iris because they aren't relevant. She's a different species, she's not male, and...with you I knew there was Jacobi. But I had this dread that I'd fucked up something important in your life."

He raises an eyebrow.

"I take everything you say seriously, Lark. But. There's never been anyone else for me. Or Jacobi. And Maxwell is... Maxwell."

Beat.

"She'd be more interested in Connor than either of us."

"Good." He'd stressed over this a fair amount, but the relief is stronger than he'd anticipated. "It's one of the hardest things for me, still. Knowing that I'm wired the way I am. I'm glad that you and Jacobi are as devoted as you are."

A nod.

"I neither want. Nor need. Anything else.

"That's been true for years." A small crooked smile. "No one compares. At least when it comes to that."

Lark's laugh is as relieved as the rest of him. "It causes problems when you aren't with another wolf. Fuck, that's not true, it causes problems when you are with another wolf. It's supposed to. Being devoted to the queen keeps the pack together... and her ability to pit her boys against each other is how nature ensures only the strongest survive."

A wry look. "So you see why I chose to be with someone who isn't a wolf."

"Did you really choose that?" he asks with a raise of one eyebrow, "or did it just happen that way, with it's ups and downs."

"We broke up a lot our first three years. 'A lot' is an understatement. It did get to a point where I decided I was done being the one to patch us up, done being the one to figure out how to keep us moving forward--because for the first year I was. He never learned how to be with people. He lived in a cell for twenty-two years, and when he was with people, they were people who would kill him the moment the order was given." There are so many worse details he can't share.

"Alec came out of that with such a love of life, and people, and the world." Who's smitten? Lark Tennant, with the dumbest smile on his face. "But because I was the one asking him to ignore all his training and all his very real fears and to just trust me that nothing bad would happen if he let me love him...well I got a lot of blowback. But I knew all of that, so I was patient for as long as I could be. The moment I saw him sacrifice to win me back over, I knew that was it. I chose him. And then I kept choosing him even when he picked fights or ran."

"There's some similarities there," he says with a tilt of his head. "Different context. Different... execution. Different personality expression. But there's reasons I understand why Alec and Jacobi get on. And I have... had to create that trust with him."

He pauses.

"Did he ever tell you about the locked door?"

There's a smile on his face. It's not bad, at least not to him.

"That's the day I fell in love with him."

"He hasn't told me anything," Lark shakes his head with a wry grin. "I don't think he likes me enough to share stories. What was the locked door?"

"More likely he's busy with his friends," which Kepler doesn't at all mind. Couples should have their own friend groups. It's healthy.

"But fact is, first mission together, things went south. As in. Experimental explosive device. in the room with us. and activated. With a timer. We? Were tasked with bringing it back with us. Or destroy it. Either way."

He smiles.

"So I point at the device. And I say: 'Mr. Jacobi, please take that thing apart, quick as you like.'" And oh, it's there, it's right there, the deep and intense and almost overpowering love that Kepler has for the man he's talking about. He's heart eyes just thinking about it. But he continues, the food in front of him forgotten.

"He freezes. Just for a second. Starts telling me how manly it would be to run." He chuckles and shakes his head. "So. I walk over to the door. I lock the two of us in. And. I look at Daniel again. Point at the thing. And tell him again: 'Go take that bomb apart.'" The softest, sweetest smile.

"And he did. Because of course he did."

He can't even look up at Lark, he's too lost in the moment, in his memory, in thinking of Daniel.

"I fell in love with him that night. Absolutely. Head over heels. I can't describe what it was, what exact moment. I know it started when he looked back after that last order. Something in his eyes. In his hands. The way... the way they itched. To do just that."

Edited 2022-01-03 23:26 (UTC)