ukan | IC CONTACT

Give it time. What's the hardest thing you've had to do here?

[And now having spilled everything he wants, he's reluctant to be truthful from here on out.]

Endure this chaos, I suppose.

You were preparing for the end of the world. Surely this doesn't compare.

[He takes a breath.]

There was no chaos there. There was Joseph and Jacob.

And what are you without them?

[This is a question he's wondered since they first met, and one he doubts John has a complete answer for yet.]

I'm not without them. Not as long as I follow my brother's teachings.

No. But you don't have his guidance as you face new situations, ones he wasn't preparing you for.

But I have Yes for that.

You asked me who I was without them. I'm whoever I need to be.

Adaptability is admirable. And rare.

But who is it that's making those decisions about those adaptations?

[The real John might well have 'disappeared'. But that only makes him invisible from the outside. There is still someone in there choosing.]

Edited 2021-11-19 01:12 (UTC)

Me.

[He knows what Lark's getting at, but John isn't ready for that answer. Not that complete of an answer.]

Then what adaptations are you [subtle emphasis] making to survive here?

That depends on who you ask.

[Nothing if not self aware.]

I'm only asking you.

Do you think I'm trying to be deceptive?

No. But yours is the only answer I care about. So: what changes are you making to survive here?

Tighter control on myself. More restrictive.

What I should be doing.

What changes do you think I should make?

That's really not my place to say. I could tell you how to be a good wolf, I can't tell you how to be a good Brother.

What do you think you 'should' be doing, exactly?

Should? I shouldn't be here, Lark. But while I'm here, I'm not submitting to this false redemption.

What do you think you're being pressured to do, exactly?

Iris fed me lines about still being who I am, which I'm sure you'll give me.

But if that's the case, what's the point of this place?

If I buy into this, I have to change what I want.

Why? Who told you that? [He's willing to bet no one has.]

I didn't change what I was after. I found a more sustainable way of getting what I wanted. I refined the self-control I came in with.

There is no script here, John. Some people radically change. Some--like me--just develop new roads to the same destination.

Lark.

[And he's already told Iris this. Already told Jon. So there's no point in hiding.]

I want to end the fucking world.

And what happens after you do?

Who cares? I don't necessarily have to survive it.

That's not what I asked.

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio

Re: Private; audio