ukan | IC CONTACT

Apparently she has a great deal of sexism, casual and otherwise, thrown her way. Thankfully, that is, from her own words, not a concern for her in regards to me.

I'll be teaching her about fear. By her request. She'd like to be more scary.

She's intimidating as it is. What do you have planned?

Exactly what she asked.

[ He tilts his head to one side. ]

I'm not sure it's what she's expecting. And I'm reasonably certain that she'll learn more than she intended.

Are you using your powers to show her fear, or something more physical?

[ A pause. ]

I mean, in a sense?

[ Whaaaaat? ]

Though I'm curious what you mean. Because I can't even imagine.

Everyone has something they fear deeper than they realize. I'm not sure what she's asking for, exactly?

She wants to be able to be more intimidating. [ Beat. ] Honestly, I think it bothers her that she can't scare me.

[Chuckling] Does anyone scare you?

No, actually.

[ He looks over at Lark with a faint smile. It's a little bit sad. ]

Oh, there's plenty of people who can startle me, and I don't enjoy pain, not even a little. I can be scared for people. Worried about them.

[ He shakes his head. ]

But no one scares me. Not anymore.

[ There's something mirthless in his eyes. ]

It's one of the ways the End can mark you, though- though it wasn't that. I think it's just- it's all of them, knowing all of them as I do, being marked by them as I am. For better or worse.

That's what I thought.

I hate that you had to go through so much to reach that...but selfishly, I'm glad you're fearless now. We have so many people here who posture and so many more willing to try to prove they're terrifying.

More like all the fears are inside me now.

Do they affect you?

Of course. The same way any experience does.

And that's part of why I can't- why intimidation doesn't work. I Know them. I live through the fears of others every time I read a statement or take one. I'm so saturated in it, it's adding a drop or a bucket or even a-a bathtub to the ocean.

[ A pause as he considers. ]

Maybe there's something to that as well, come to think of it. W-whether it does damage or whether it helps. Whether it's the sort of thing that makes you feel less alone... or whether you feel as if you're having your secrets exposed to someone who'll think differently about you afterwards.

That makes sense. I believe experience is shaped by perspective. I am less bothered by you Knowing things about me than I would be about almost anyone else.

Part of that is that you make sure it's consensual between us, but even then... I can trust that it stays with you.

That is also why I'm so- why I have to be careful about it. If I'm not, then- then I'm not living up to that trust. And if I'm not living up to it, then I don't deserve it.

You've never given me reason to doubt.

[ There’s a thoughtful moment before he makes a decision. He’s not sure he’s ever said it out loud to anyone but Martin but…

If anyone else ought to hear it- ]

I-

[ That doesn’t make it easy. ]

I love you very much. That is- that is the last thing I ever want to do.

I love you, too, Jon. [His voice calm, assured.] I trust you. You deserve that trust.

[ There's a long pause there, mostly because of how easily Lark said it. Not because he thinks it's a line. Because he knows it isn't.

It's... new. And it means a lot. ]

Yes, well, I'm just... going to have to keep making sure that's the case.

[He smiles because he's never doubted that Jon will do just that.]

What do you need right now?

... a reminder to stay away, honestly.

My inclination is to dig, always, just like yours. To use a very crude metaphor: he smells like a perfectly cooked steak to me.

The best thing is to keep the two of us away from one another.

[A rueful nod] To me, too.

Do you want me to run interference if he contacts you on the network?

Or message me and tell me not to be a bloody idiot. Either way.

I'll come sit on you if I have to. You can't get into trouble if you have my fur in your face.

Between you and Winifred, I don't know what life is without fur in my face.

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