ukan | IC CONTACT

More like all the fears are inside me now.

Do they affect you?

Of course. The same way any experience does.

And that's part of why I can't- why intimidation doesn't work. I Know them. I live through the fears of others every time I read a statement or take one. I'm so saturated in it, it's adding a drop or a bucket or even a-a bathtub to the ocean.

[ A pause as he considers. ]

Maybe there's something to that as well, come to think of it. W-whether it does damage or whether it helps. Whether it's the sort of thing that makes you feel less alone... or whether you feel as if you're having your secrets exposed to someone who'll think differently about you afterwards.

That makes sense. I believe experience is shaped by perspective. I am less bothered by you Knowing things about me than I would be about almost anyone else.

Part of that is that you make sure it's consensual between us, but even then... I can trust that it stays with you.

That is also why I'm so- why I have to be careful about it. If I'm not, then- then I'm not living up to that trust. And if I'm not living up to it, then I don't deserve it.

You've never given me reason to doubt.

[ There’s a thoughtful moment before he makes a decision. He’s not sure he’s ever said it out loud to anyone but Martin but…

If anyone else ought to hear it- ]

I-

[ That doesn’t make it easy. ]

I love you very much. That is- that is the last thing I ever want to do.

I love you, too, Jon. [His voice calm, assured.] I trust you. You deserve that trust.

[ There's a long pause there, mostly because of how easily Lark said it. Not because he thinks it's a line. Because he knows it isn't.

It's... new. And it means a lot. ]

Yes, well, I'm just... going to have to keep making sure that's the case.

[He smiles because he's never doubted that Jon will do just that.]

What do you need right now?

... a reminder to stay away, honestly.

My inclination is to dig, always, just like yours. To use a very crude metaphor: he smells like a perfectly cooked steak to me.

The best thing is to keep the two of us away from one another.

[A rueful nod] To me, too.

Do you want me to run interference if he contacts you on the network?

Or message me and tell me not to be a bloody idiot. Either way.

I'll come sit on you if I have to. You can't get into trouble if you have my fur in your face.

Between you and Winifred, I don't know what life is without fur in my face.

God, she's even furrier than I am. You like having to shave dog fur off with your stubble, don't you?

She is Martin's dog and I merely tolerate her, of course.

[ This is a blatant lie and Jon's complete inability to lie isn't even required here since it's so obvious. ]

I don't thinks she has a bone in her body that doesn't love every single person aboard. People come over and there's a standard five minutes of dog greeting before we can get to business.

Edited 2021-12-17 02:36 (UTC)