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[ukan]

This is Lark Tennant, leave a message.

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[crab_rangoon]

Pagan glances once to Kiryu but doesn't mind saying this bit out loud. He's already told Kiryu most of it.

"After Alec got here and you came to my cabin to talk me out of my fucking madness. Or when you pushed back on me about Norton. Convincing me to get rid of that damn necklace. Or when you wouldn't leave me the fuck alone after I stabbed Yunlan and I couldn't tell you why." He lists off those instances fondly, overly so.

"I don't know what other wardens do and I don't know what he does," he says, indicating Kiryu. "But that's what you do. And that hasn't changed. So, hence my confusion on the matter."

[lone_horse]

Again, he gives Pagan's words time to breathe and waits before he looks over to Lark.

"The truth?" And he'll sit back a little, keeps himself from crossing his arms even though he'd like to. For most people, it's a sign of defensiveness, and he knows that. For him, it's something to do with his arms and hands to keep them from clenching .

"I don't think of it at all. It's not my place. Anymore than it would be my place to suggest or consider treatment options if you were a doctor and Pagan was your patient. My responsibility as his partner only goes as far as ensuring he isn't being abused by his caregiver."

He raises a hand to ensure-

"A concern I don't have."

[ukan]

Lark nods. It isn't anything he hadn't expected, but he's learned it pays to hear it aloud. Pagan's response first gets a noticeable warming in Lark's demeanor; Kiryu's only furthers it.

"That is my only solid concern. There's an inherent bias in being so attached to someone, which on the one hand I'm glad you two can have for each other. It's a solid protection against some of the things that happen to us here. But on the other, my role is still as his advocate. Alec and I mostly stayed out of each other's pairings but it wasn't always easy. I just want to know that my advice, and if there's ever another stabbing for example, my choices in helping manage it, won't be shunted aside because you have another warden who's invested in you."

He smiles slightly at Pagan. "This is my version of what you felt you needed when Alec came on board, I think."

Lark's own version of insisting on their relationship being reassured.

[crab_rangoon]

"Ah. We, this is my version of being fucking annoyed that you need the assurance. But Kazuma has a point. And I don't want him involved in my... rehabilitation anymore than I would want Yunlan."

He gives him a pointed look.

"So...are you assured?"

[lone_horse]

"I told you before that I believe one of the problem this ship faces is a lack of respect between wardens. As wardens." He dips his head towards Lark. "I may discuss methodology and ideaology with you professionally, Lark-san. But ultimately, even that discussion demands respect for your capability and competence.

"But it doesn't end there."

Where Lark sees this as something that might make Kiryu meddle, Kiryu sees it the opposite way: as an opportunity for greater trust in the other man, and one which can't function without that trust.

[ukan]

Had Pagan decided to pursue a relationship with Yunlan, Lark would have bucked against it hard. Had Pagan pursued any other warden Lark can think of, Lark would have had solid, loud objections.

In his gut there is still a wariness, a constant fear of power being corrupted or abused. It has nothing to do with Kiryu specifically though, and it can never be fully rooted out. He's been under other people's boots long enough that it's ingrained to resist anything that resembles it for himself or people he cares about.

But he also knows very well that ideals without room to grow become obstacles. Adapt or the steady march of time will crush you, he's always telling his packmates.

Kiryu, though. Kiryu is someone Lark trusts with this. He studies them both a moment and then lifts his mug of tea in a 'cheers' before he sips from it again. "Then I'm reassured. And less afraid of being replaced," a wink at Pagan. "Do you have any concerns for me?"

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan considers this for a long while, sorting through his own annoyances and flashes of anger and emotions. He wants to shake them both and he wants to walk out. He's upset, but, underneath it all, he knows that it's because they care. Not simply about optics, but about him, specifically.

That's what he finds hardest to swallow.

"That we simply continue in this fashion and any further discussion regarding me should involve me," he finally tells them both. "That's all I ask. A little transparency in these times doesn't seem like too much of a sacrifice."

[lone_horse]

He winces and bows his head to Pagan; he realizes how patronizing this might feel to him. How awkward it is to talk about his process between the two of them in front of him. But the words needed to be said.

"Of course, Pagan." No '-san' here. He feels they're just a bit beyond that point, after all. But either of them are welcome to notice.

[ukan]

"I've never discussed anything about you without you being there or knowing it," aside from relating to Alec a funny joke Pagan has said sometimes. "And I never will. That's why I wanted you both here."

He sets his mug down. "I'm sorry if this felt like an ambush, or that I was trying to talk over your head, Pagan. That's not what my intention was. I was trying to avoid that."

[crab_rangoon]

Again, he's quiet. Thinking. Kiryu gets a nod of acknowledgement, a brush of his fingers against his. Pagan does better with touch than words in this situations, when his words threaten to spin him out of control.

But he tries. "Well that is why I did say continue. This was less of an ambush than you might have thought, but it was certainly not the sort of lecture I wanted to find myself in."

He leans forward. "But here we are. Now I realize I've made - misjudgments in where I place my trust in the past. And I am trying to be cautious about it now. But this is good Lark. The only fucking good thing in my life, other than my stupid mutt of a warden. And I'd like to keep it around a while longer."

Because if it's going to blow up, he knows he's going to be the one to push the button.

[lone_horse]

Kiryu makes a decision to eschew words, which is why his hand will reach over and find Pagan's, intertwine and give a soft squeeze as he turns to look at Pagan. Find his eyes. Tell him as earnestly and honestly, with all of him: Pagan means just as much to him. And for every similar reasons.

He won't stay there long, just long enough for Pagan to hopefully 'hear' him before he turns to Lark and bows his head.

"I am sorry, Lark-san. I didn't mean to ignore the meal you provided. It smells very good."

[ukan]

"It seems we're all in agreement," that Kiryu is good for Pagan, that Lark's relationship with Pagan still has its same place.

"You realize I am required to have you both spend time with Alec and me next."

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan does hear him in all the ways he needs to, and he nods his head once in acknowledgement. "Eat," he encourages him softly. "I swear to god, I am surrounded by people who don't appreciate good meals." It is not exactly what's happening, but he's trying to lighten the mood. "Ajay never did, either. And look where he ended up. Traipsing through the goddamn jungle."

He gives him a bit of a nudge, but brightens at Lark's mention of meeting with Alec.

"And whose requirement is that? Yours? I seem to be living a lot by what you want, Lark Tennant. Maybe I want to meet with Alec alone again so I can continue to just talk shit about you."

He would never.

[lone_horse]

Kiryu will either break whatever tension remains or make things a whole different kind of awkward, because once he starts eating, it's more than a little like a starving dog. The food is going to get scarfed down at an alarming rate, despite the fact that his mouth stays mostly clean and his suit is immaculate.

Someone grew up in an orphanage and spent far too many years in jail and it all very much shows.

[ukan]

Lark is about to say something but he is, indeed, distracted. Kiryu eats fast enough to fit in with a new pup, and it's impressive to watch.

"I'm taking this as a compliment."

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan just shrugs, not even bothering with it. He just gives him a fond smile.

"You should, honestly."

He picks at his own food, though mostly because his own emotional roller coaster put him off his appetite. Nothing personal.

But then he notices-

"Did Steve move out?"

Pagan has been in 101 since that happened. He has simply not noticed until now.

[lone_horse]

Kiryu cleans his plate just in time to look up at the two of them. He’s content to listen to them talk, though. He doesn’t know a Steve, so he doesn’t have much to contribute. He’s going to very slowly reach over for a little more bread.

[ukan]

Kiryu may not know Steve, but the effect Steve has on Lark is obvious by the flash of frustration and hurt.

"Yes. I used to be able to talk to him, to reason with him, but... what can you do when someone is determined to self-destruct."

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan reaches an arm around, resting it casually on the back of Kiryu's chair.

"Speaking directly as someone on the other side - I'm not certain. Sometimes you simply must let it happen." He doesn't know if he could have been talked down. Stopped, yes. But he would have found something else to do. Some other way.

"Have you met Steve? Big American? Blonde. Looks like everyone's big, damn hero?" he asks Kiryu.

Pagan actually doesn't mind Steve at all. They simply existed around Lark together. But they couldn't be more different.

[lone_horse]

He starts to shake his head, and then he pauses as he thinks back. There is a man who matches that description. But that's not the name he gave him.

"I don't think so, no. The only person I've met who sounds like that is Cap-san. He works in the cafeteria for lunch."

He glances at Lark, and he'd intended to bring up his idea for the occasional injection of guest cooks for the food there, but Lark looks a little frustrated and the situation is unfortunate, from everything he's hearing.

He looks to Lark.

"I'm sorry for your friend. It's difficult sometimes, in a normal world, to feel as if you have no way out. Here, I imagine it would be much worse." A dip of his head. "I hope he sees you there for him sooner rather than later."

[ukan]

Cap-san. Cap.

"That's him. His nickname is Cap. Captain America." He feels a twinge of hope and grinds it under his heel. "He hasn't used it in years, though, as far as I know."

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan opens his mouth.

Captain. Fucking. America.

Dear god.

He closes his mouth. Says nothing about it. Well, sort of.

"Imagine that," is all he manages.

[lone_horse]

There's a flash of hurt on Kiryu's face, because he's not sure what he did to get given an alias, but he nods. And then there's confusion.

"...America has a captain?"

One for the whole country?

[ukan]

He smirks at Pagan's reaction. "He was made into a superhero during World War II. He was inspirational propaganda personified. But he never saw it that way, I don't think. He wanted to actually live those ideals. He did a damn good job of it."

It's so hard to talk about Steve. He knew the man when he was at his best. He had a hand in tearing that same man down to the angry loner that haunts the ship now.

"Kiryu, if he's calling himself Cap to you, I have to think it's a good sign. Maybe he's begun to believe he can be an inspiration again."

[crab_rangoon]

It's so -

Wholesome.

Pagan wants to stab himself with his fork.

He doesn't. What he does do is refrain from rolling his eyes. He stands up, taking his glass to the kitchen to fill with water so he can sigh in peace. He considers that a step up from where he started.