video;

[ukan]

I may have asked this before, but if I did, it was before this last...paradigm shift.

What is the worst thing you've ever imagined doing? Not something you did do--but something you dreamed up to soothe yourself.

Comments

[ukan]

I'd normally say 'no' but I think you have so many stories it makes up for it.

[routemistress]

I think we all dream of people doing what we want. People just falling in with 'ow you see things because you're more important to 'em than owt else. People who'd do anything you ask 'cause they love you.

[ukan]

I may be biased but that hardly seems like the worst fantasy anyone has ever had.

[routemistress]

Is that your lawyer or your wolfpack leader talkin'?

It's not. As a fantasy.

[ukan]

The two share a lot in common. I gain a lot by having people trust me, either way.

[But he does know that having it in reality is never what you'd thought.]

So what is your most truly heinous daydream?

[routemistress]

They would, wouldn't they?

Can you force people to trust you? Can you completely bypass any choice they might 'ave in the matter?

...It's not really the force I ever wanted. But if I 'ave a weak spot it's needing to be loved.

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[fireincarnate]

[Oh.

Jean just stares, for a second. She'd been contemplating her own answer, but this - ]

It could be so easy, to make people just - listen, and understand.

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[routemistress]

It's far too bloody easy. Isn't it?

You don't even need to be in touching distance, do you?

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[fireincarnate]

[She shakes her head.]

I could probably do it from here, if I wanted. [Most anyone she was talking to.]

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[routemistress]

...My new mate with the suppository on 'is 'ead's got a similar evil alternate problem. Want to meet up in the pub and talk tactics?

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[fireincarnate]

[Jean just stares, for a second.

Her smile comes on her suddenly; pure, quiet relief.]

Sounds good.

sorry

[darknessb4me]

That isn't trust.

never be sorry

[routemistress]

I know, Arthas. I know.

[ukan]

...I can't. But I've seen it done. I've had it done to me. I wonder if you'd feel differently about that force, if you were a wolf.

[routemistress]

We're descended from summat ...not unlike a wolf.

I've been on both ends of it and all. It's made me seriously consider burning out bits of me brain.

[ukan]

This is where the old platitudes about choice versus destiny come in, I suppose, but something like that.... I'm not sure what I think of it. It doesn't frighten me the way it did. [Actually, it does.]

[routemistress]

I said this to someone last week: biology's not destiny, but only a fool doesn't factor it in.

Frightens the living shit out of me.

[She doesn't look frightened, she looks angry, in that tense unshowy way a truly cornered and dangerous animal does: ready to tear out throats without bothering to hackle or growl.]

[ukan]

And what do you do with that kind of fear? A friend of mine--he murdered twenty people once without thinking about it. He handles the fear of that day by day, like an alcoholic. But as an alcoholic, I don't think there's anything that will ever be enough.

[routemistress]

Keep choosing not to be that person. What the 'eck else can I do with it?

[She shrugs, as if she isn't being deadly serious.]

I can be frightened as I like. I don't 'ave to let it get in me way.

[ukan]

The world would be a safer place if everyone could do that. Fear dictates a lot of things that people know they'll regret.

[routemistress]

[She nods.]

It's the biggest reason we're 'ere, I think. To teach that skill.

[And grins.]

...It 'elps that I'm more frightened of where being afraid takes me than I am of owt else.