I think like an inmate. I've never stopped. I try, but maybe I'm not supposed to be working here at all, Warren. Maybe I was never supposed to graduate.
You also feel. you have a much higher chance. to make Alec fall in line. Even if you'll feel like shit about it.
[ He holds up a finger. ]
I'm not saying that's true. I'm saying. From talking to you. That is. your baseline assumption. And it makes you more comfortable. With accepting help. Because there is, in your mind still a... pecking order.
[ There's a long pause before he speaks again. ]
You're applying Schenkel dynamics, captivity dynamics, to a post-captivity existence. You aren't an inmate. You shouldn't be an inmate. But you've tied yourself, and your ideas of how social dynamics work: as a pack, and as a community, to that captivity mindset.
Alpha wolf. Pecking order. Levels of dominance. A fear of being perceived as weak or incapable, those things having greater cost than failure. Or stagnation.
[ He shakes his head. ]
You have to admit you're not an inmate. Where it matters.
For yourself. For Trevor. For Iris and I. For Alec.
You're not in a good place. Something's throwing you.
But even if it isn't easy, you're accepting help. You're working against your fear. And your anger. And you're listening. You're doing... all that? While minimizing the damage you're doing to others. You're looking forward, even if you're having trouble seeing right now. You're looking in, even if it seems like a jumbled up mess.
And you're not taking it out on anyone else beyond, potentially? Some questionable decisions. And you don't feel entitled to this being fixed. You know it needs to be.
Graduating... doesn't mean that you've solved all your problems. Not here. Not inside. Not back home. It means you're back in the race. That's all.
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Iris as one of those people?
[ A pause. ]
You're talking like an inmate.
Not in a good way.
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Lark. You're chasing answers you're comfortable with. Fears of yours. And you want to pursue those?
Because they have easy yes/no, leave/stay answers. Based around action.
The root? Of something like this?
It's always in what you refuse to see.
So I'm going to ask you again. Since knowingly. or unknowingly. you dodged:
Do you see me as one of those people? Or Iris as one of those people?
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... It's just that no one at home has been, before Alec. I know how to take help from him, but with anyone else, it leads me here.
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[ He's going to be a little unpleasantly frank. ]
You also feel. you have a much higher chance. to make Alec fall in line. Even if you'll feel like shit about it.
[ He holds up a finger. ]
I'm not saying that's true. I'm saying. From talking to you. That is. your baseline assumption. And it makes you more comfortable. With accepting help. Because there is, in your mind still a... pecking order.
[ There's a long pause before he speaks again. ]
You're applying Schenkel dynamics, captivity dynamics, to a post-captivity existence. You aren't an inmate. You shouldn't be an inmate. But you've tied yourself, and your ideas of how social dynamics work: as a pack, and as a community, to that captivity mindset.
Alpha wolf. Pecking order. Levels of dominance. A fear of being perceived as weak or incapable, those things having greater cost than failure. Or stagnation.
[ He shakes his head. ]
You have to admit you're not an inmate. Where it matters.
For yourself. For Trevor. For Iris and I. For Alec.
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[Quiet, serious]
I'm asking seriously. Guide me.
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All right.
[ He considers just answering the question. ]
I don’t agree. That you lack a conscience. But… I agree… you might have turned yours off. Gone into survival mode.
[ A longer, slower breath.]
And I understand. Why that line is hard for you. Since it was probably drawn out, so long, so thin? You can barely see it.
But.
The difference. Between an inmate and a warden. Is in what you’re doing right now.
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But even if it isn't easy, you're accepting help. You're working against your fear. And your anger. And you're listening. You're doing... all that? While minimizing the damage you're doing to others. You're looking forward, even if you're having trouble seeing right now. You're looking in, even if it seems like a jumbled up mess.
And you're not taking it out on anyone else beyond, potentially? Some questionable decisions. And you don't feel entitled to this being fixed. You know it needs to be.
Graduating... doesn't mean that you've solved all your problems. Not here. Not inside. Not back home. It means you're back in the race. That's all.
[ A deep sigh. ]
I wish... I could come see you right now.
But with everything going on?
...Cutter is not what you need right now.
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I don't know. Cutter might be exactly what I need.
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He'd take the broken glass that's in your gut right now? And figure out how to twist. Every. Single. Piece.
It's what he's good at.
I would know.
[ Not to be distracted- ]
But as soon as this is over? You'll be sick of me. [ He grins. ] Because you're not doing this journey? Alone. I'm here. For the long haul.
Even when you're being an asshole about it.
Iris would tell you the same.