ukan | IC CONTACT

You're not going to be able to take it all from us, and I genuinely don't want to take it all from you. Eventually he will need to be around you again. But not anytime soon.

Tell me this: where do you think we'd be willing to compromise with you?

I was willing to let you see him, as long as I was no more than a floor away. [Because he could hear them speaking or even whispering, even that far away, but she doesn't need to know that.]

John told me you said I couldn't see him at all. That's why I'm threatening you and not Iris.

What sort of person would I be if I shrugged off what you did? You want to be feared? Well, I am afraid. For John. And this is the result.

Come up with a decent proposal and I'll try to work out a compromise with you. Until then, no, you don't get to see him. We'll see how badly you want time with him. Do you want it more than you want to fight me on this?

Everyone else shrugged it off, why shouldn't you? I get it. You people don't think I'm a real threat. Whatever.

I have nothing to offer you, Lark, except to tell you that he makes me feel almost human and I hope I do the same for him. But maybe it's better for both him and myself if we lose that.

[If she only knew about the hour-long conference he'd put together specifically about how dangerous she is...]

Carol, the threat you pose is worse than whatever bullshit Envy pulls. You have to think and plan your way to get ahead, he gets bored because it's easy for him. If I didn't take you seriously I would be putting a lot of people in danger. I already failed Fitz because you think the only way to be safe is to be a bigger monster than anyone else, and Tess and I and every other warden underestimated that.

When you start acting human, when Fitz could recognize you as human, I'll stop worrying about you and John together.

[ She really misses Alejandro right now. He was the only one that seemed to get it, that even though she was technically human, she wasn't like most people. If she were to start acting human, it would be just that: an act, like a lion jumping hoops at the circus. Something she'd have to put in work for for everyone else's sake without ever being able to enjoy it.

She spoke with Tess at length about this. That she feels like she's outside and all anyone can do is help her pretend to be inside. No one can open the door. Not even John, but at least he's on the outside with her. At least they can touch. ]

I don't want to spend my life acting like I'm something I'm not. If that's what the Admiral wants from me, frankly, he should just let me go. If that's what you want me to do to get John back, you better tell him to let me go, too.

You don't spend every day trying to cut someone open. Why? Because most people have powers?

Either there's no good window of opportunity, or by some miracle no one's pissing me off today, or I'm not bored enough yet.

Say you have access to any weapon you want. And around here that means ridiculous weapons like laser beams.

Which one do you pick?

Probably a flamethrower. Hurts like hell and you can keep 'em alive for a good while if you control the burn.

It's about pain here, not death.

It doesn't bother you that, around here, that pain would probably be turned on you?

I don't like it, but I can't say it scares me much. It's just pain.

If the alternative is keeping my head down and becoming invisible again then I'll take all the pain anyone has to offer me.

Why be visible? It attracts trouble.

Because who wants to spend their entire life ignored and alone?

[Ah. That he understands.] And you only have John here?

I only have John anywhere.

[ Back home, she only had herself. ]

Not that no one else here has tried, but it's not easy to get through to me. I would've said it's impossible if not for John.

What makes him different from all the others who tried?

If I knew exactly what it was, I'd tell you. All I know is that I feel happy to be with him, even when we're not doing anything productive or useful.

[He's quiet for a long moment.] I'll keep that in mind.

I'm really not trying to make your life worse, Carol. But I'm not going to shrug off what you did. If no one else is going to make it right, then I will. And this is part of that.

He's the only reason I haven't done ten times worse already. I don't see how keeping us apart is making it right, it's just going to make everything worse until the Admiral finally gets rid of me for good.

Really. You weren't carving sins into people before him. At best, he's enabling you, and you're enabling him. At worst, you're making each other into animals.

I'm not going to change who he is, and neither are you. But I can offer him smoother ways to get what he wants. He'll be smarter when he does get back to you. What he does with that is up to him. We're both just going to have to be patient to see what he chooses.

Lark, I locked my little sister in the back of our family car and pushed the car into a lake. She was pissing me off and I wanted her gone.

[ Which is to say: she's done worse than carve sins into people. No point in trying to hide what brought her here anymore. Tess knew, Jon knows, it's out there. ]

We are animals. We can embrace who we are and be happy or spend the rest of our miserable lives pretending to be something else. I seem to be the only one who wants him to have the former.

His happiness--and yours--aren't my main concern. If torturing people makes you happy, I'm fine with you being miserable. Same goes with him.

Well, thanks for being honest.

I don't expect you or anyone to have sympathy for me but I hope you understand that I'm not going to willingly pursue my own misery, and I hope he won't, either.

And I hope you understand that the rest of us aren't going to stop pushing you to find other things that make you happy.

[He meant what he said: the safety of the ship trumps anything she feels.] I've never met a one-note person. Whatever else you are, no one has had a chance to see it yet. It doesn't mean it isn't there.

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