[ And this time it's not a subconscious derailment, it's just that Lark has no way to make anything better for either of them. He asked and Alec told him, though, which is something and still feels new. ]
If I can help I want to help. You already know that y?
[Strangely, it helps. Opposition has always strengthened Alec, made him sharp and formidable where anything softer has just mired him down. He is at his best when he's proving something, even if it's as simple as his right - his ability - to have a pulse and an opinion.
It feels better knowing there's something to lose if he's not.]
[It's easy to say this; it's more honest than the earlier bantering had been. It's also making him very aware of how empty his own cabin is, which makes him count how many places he's going to have to move around between to keep people from asking why he never goes home.]
[He does not answer. He does not answer. He does. not. answer.
But he sits with it for a while convincing himself not to, and then convincing himself not to delete it, and in the end he has to turn the communicator completely off and shut it in a desk drawer, and remind himself that he's not helping anyone like this.]
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[ Private ]
[ And this time it's not a subconscious derailment, it's just that Lark has no way to make anything better for either of them. He asked and Alec told him, though, which is something and still feels new. ]
If I can help I want to help. You already know that y?
[ Private ]
I do, but there's nothing TO do. I can do a lot of things but I can't force my body to heal if it isn't.
I'm me. I'll be fine.
[ Private ]
So of course he says something vaguely threatening to get across what he really means.]
You'd better be.
[ Private ]
It feels better knowing there's something to lose if he's not.]
I'm always fine.
[ Private ]
[It's easy to say this; it's more honest than the earlier bantering had been. It's also making him very aware of how empty his own cabin is, which makes him count how many places he's going to have to move around between to keep people from asking why he never goes home.]
[ Private ]
[ Private ]
[ Private ]
Sighs.]
I'm going to stop replying. Thank you for answering me.
[ Private ]
[He believes Alec, which is subconsciously why he hadn't added until now:]
It's strange without you. I need space too. Doesn't mean I like it.
[ Private ]
But he sits with it for a while convincing himself not to, and then convincing himself not to delete it, and in the end he has to turn the communicator completely off and shut it in a desk drawer, and remind himself that he's not helping anyone like this.]