"I don't think it matters," Riley admits. "He's read some psychology books, you know. He's read how trained professionals describe healthy, stable relationships." She doesn't say why; Lark can fill it in on his own whether he thinks it's because he's trying to learn how to fake it, or whether he's actually trying to learn how to make smoother progress. This is one of those secrets she won't betray on the back side of one she will.
"But you're both starting so much further behind, or - to one side. Who ever knew what a fight between a transgenic and a werewolf should look like, if not a bloodbath?"
He smiles thinly and nods. "We've only had one bloodbath so far. Not bad, considering what we're both trained to do."
The psychology books linger in his mind, though. "I suppose it makes sense that a relationship for a transgenic or a werewolf would be different from the healthy, human models. And a relationship between a transgenic and a werewolf...there's no guide for that, is there?"
Riley doesn't snort, but she makes a soft scoffing sound in the back of her throat, her whiskers pulling back. "Professionals know better. You'd be in worse trouble if either of you were any closer to amateurs," she points out with no small amount of disdain for the kind of novice that accidentally bites off more than he can chew, that breaks something without meaning to do it. No, Lark and Alec are, perhaps, safest when they're fighting with teeth and with fists.
It's everything else they're still learning. "There isn't. So if this seems to be working, well..." Then it's what works.
That pang again. This time, though, it causes him to look down at Alec. And looking down at him causes him to smile.
Especially because if Riley knows this, Alec does, too.
"It's never been worth it to me to stay away from him for long. I've never needed the space like I do now, but-"
But he won't be able to give this up easily.
"If there was ever a time when leaving him for good would have been easy, it was months ago. It was the day we first met."
Naki hums and nudges Riley with a claw, co-conspirator that she is. "It wouldn't have been easy then, either. He was so wound up when he went home he didn't sleep."
Riley, who is calmer now but still quietly distressed in a way that won't let her stop telegraphing it, switches for a moment to licking at Naki's back; even if she ends up accidentally stung, she doesn't even care. There's not enough time.
She knows it wouldn't have; her boy had known it then too. Like everyone who instinctively collects openings to manipulate others, he'd known, and it had taken longer on his side. Alec is very, very good at holding himself separate.
And very, very bad at letting them go once they're in as deep as Lark is now, but he'll still do it if he thinks he has to.
"He expects everything - everyone - good in his life to hurt him," she says at last, a carefully chosen truth for truth. "Happy has never been anything he can just have, like others expect. It's something he's taken, and stolen, and carved out and kept hidden for himself. It's only ever been used to control him and punish him when others know about it. So he's learned to cut it off like you can cut off a finger and still live, still use your hand - but not as well."
"I know." He stays still, resisting the urge to let his thumb run idle, slow circles on Alec's skin. "I can't say I'm good at happiness, either. But there's a reason I'm the one who comes back."
Every time but one, really, it's been Lark who's come to Alec's door. And it's because Lark is still less afraid of happiness than Alec is, even if the percentage points are neck and neck sometimes.
He's waiting for the day you aren't, she doesn't say. For one, she'd be very surprised if Lark didn't already know. For two, it feels like dirty pool for her to confirm it and she's not above that any more than her boy is, but not here. Not now.
"He doesn't understand that," she says instead. "But it's one of the reasons he'd forgive you almost anything."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"But you're both starting so much further behind, or - to one side. Who ever knew what a fight between a transgenic and a werewolf should look like, if not a bloodbath?"
no subject
The psychology books linger in his mind, though. "I suppose it makes sense that a relationship for a transgenic or a werewolf would be different from the healthy, human models. And a relationship between a transgenic and a werewolf...there's no guide for that, is there?"
no subject
It's everything else they're still learning. "There isn't. So if this seems to be working, well..." Then it's what works.
no subject
"Do you think it works?"
no subject
The way she chooses is: "How often have you seen him sleep?"
no subject
Especially because if Riley knows this, Alec does, too.
"It's never been worth it to me to stay away from him for long. I've never needed the space like I do now, but-"
But he won't be able to give this up easily.
"If there was ever a time when leaving him for good would have been easy, it was months ago. It was the day we first met."
Naki hums and nudges Riley with a claw, co-conspirator that she is. "It wouldn't have been easy then, either. He was so wound up when he went home he didn't sleep."
no subject
She knows it wouldn't have; her boy had known it then too. Like everyone who instinctively collects openings to manipulate others, he'd known, and it had taken longer on his side. Alec is very, very good at holding himself separate.
And very, very bad at letting them go once they're in as deep as Lark is now, but he'll still do it if he thinks he has to.
"He expects everything - everyone - good in his life to hurt him," she says at last, a carefully chosen truth for truth. "Happy has never been anything he can just have, like others expect. It's something he's taken, and stolen, and carved out and kept hidden for himself. It's only ever been used to control him and punish him when others know about it. So he's learned to cut it off like you can cut off a finger and still live, still use your hand - but not as well."
no subject
Every time but one, really, it's been Lark who's come to Alec's door. And it's because Lark is still less afraid of happiness than Alec is, even if the percentage points are neck and neck sometimes.
no subject
"He doesn't understand that," she says instead. "But it's one of the reasons he'd forgive you almost anything."
no subject
"Then...if at the end of this I feel like I can make it work on my end, you think there's a chance he'll take me back?"
no subject
"I can't make that promise, Lark. But I can say I would be very surprised if he refused to try."
no subject
"As long as he does, I can." It's not a promise things will work out, because he can't promise any such thing. But it's what he can offer.