[The fact Kiryu doesn't share things, even with Pagan's warden, earns him a few more points in his favor.]
He's making progress a lot faster than I think he realizes. I worry about his familiar coping skills tripping him up--which is why I'm here. But I think this encounter could be healthy for him...using a language he already knows and rarely gets to use around here. And using it without goading you into trying to kill him.
[He feels better about it now than he had when Kiryu contacted him, at least.]
Tell me a bit about you, if you can? How did you end up on the Barge?
[ He understands the concern a little more now, and he feels comfortable enough with the way Lark is framing this to admit one thing.]
He specifically warned me against killing him before we started. Though it was never part of our intentions.
[ He doesn’t know how to make that any more clear, and he doesn’t think Lark believes he ever intended it, so he’s content to leave the point there. To his question, he nods. ]
Certainly, Lark-san. I’m assuming you mean more than just ‘I was asked by the Admiral’?
[ He doesn’t wait for the answer. ]
I can’t be in my world anymore. Before I was asked, I was merely going to do my best to disappear, to hide. Let people believe I was dead.
[Pagan is self-destructive and Lark hasn't figured out quite yet how far that extends. Mostly Pagan lashes out when it strikes him, but he wouldn't be surprised for it to go deeper. He's just glad to hear it hasn't.
But Kiryu's answer pushes Pagan to the back of his mind and he favors the man with a raised eyebrow.]
[ Kiryu looks at the other man. Wolf. Individual. And he tries to think of the most succinct way that he can put this. This isn’t a heart to heart where he’s trying to necessarily connect to someone, it’s a report. In the interest of being brief, which he prefers most of the time- ]
An investigation into a hit and run that nearly killed the girl I raised, and her son, resulted in a major embarrassment for the Japanese government.
And it is... not the first time.
[ A bow of his head. ]
I am... someone who causes conflict. Always. [ And he doesn’t hide how much this kills him, how many people it feels like have paid for the fact that he even so much as exists. Watching Daigo across the divide being shot, Saejima’s hands holding him back, keeping him from trying to leap across just to get to his son. The man he’d call son. The head of one of Japan’s leading criminal organizations that he still, in so many ways, sees as a little shit in short pants, the young master. It’s just as vivid to him as watching Haruka hold Haruto, curl up around him to try and protect him from the gunfire before he stepped in front of her... and Yuta.
Whether he can be there to step in front of the bullets or not, there are always bullets when he’s there. There’s always death and loss and violence.
His daughter and her family deserve better. His family deserves better.]
It’s painted a target on the back of that girl, and the children in the orphanage I was running. Her own child. The man she loves.
The best thing I can do for them is disappear. So I did.
People who cause conflict are the people who reshape worlds.
[He doesn't know enough of Kiryu to even guess what shapes he could make, but he's determined to find out over time.]
I understand having to let them go...I can't imagine how difficult that must be. I hope you being here is a sign that you haven't given up on creating changes, though.
[ He's not shy about that, or proud. It just is; while Akiyama might call him the Hero of Kamurocho, what the little city-within-a-city needs, he's never been sure. He changes things, stops some things, brings about others. Whether he's had a net positive influence? It feels like it at the time, but he's hesitant to come to any conclusions. ]
As for what's to come, I don't know. I hope to take some time to figure out who I am without them there. Who I might be here.
This place is different from anywhere else I've ever been.
Nor me. We have intergalactic travelers who are still surprised by this place.
[But finding identity is something Lark has always been deeply interested in, and he tilts his head slightly, a gesture that's almost more canine than human]
How much do you feel you know about yourself right now?
Again, Lark-san. I'm not sure I understand your question.
[ He's not trying to obstruct anything or be difficult; the question struck him as an odd thing to ask a man of his age is all. How much does he feels he knows about himself? Everything, obviously. How he intends to fit into this place, into his home world, into any world... that's the question he's working on.]
I know who I am. How that will fit here, I'm still exploring.
[A nod; knowing oneself is a surprisingly rare trait here.]
I ask because the Barge's only purpose is to change people. Well, to give them the chance for it, anyway. It applies to wardens just as much as it does to inmates. Sometimes, it takes away things you don't hold onto.
[ He considers that, and his eyes go to the yard around them, his head tilts to take in part of the house. He looks to Lark and he wonders if the man knows enough to answer him. He figures it's worth a shot. ]
Someone seemed surprised to see a space like this in a cabin. Is it unusual, then?
My cabin has a view of the ocean, but we've never tried to get to it. And other people with children, they don't keep reminders of them. If there were any when they first arrived, they requested them gone. Yours is very...immersive.
[ There are quite a lot of reminders, aren't there? To be fair, there were quite a lot of children, their faces burned into his mind, the feel of their arms around him... his last day at the orphanage his first in three years. Then he'd gone to find out where Haruka was and everything had happened. He'd promised he'd be back, that they'd be a family again.
They were. Just... without him.
He can think of a few reasons why a place dedicated to change would present him with a cabin like this. All of them lead him to one conclusion. ]
If this place has bent to provide me a chance to change, even if I don't understand it yet, I would prefer to leave it as it was given to me.
[ There's something that flickers through his eyes, an almost knee jerk emotional reaction to being told that he's a good influence, that he makes things better. Akiyama had said the same thing in as many words, and he's always denied the very idea. But this man is only trying to be encouraging to a new arrival, a new coworker. There's no need to play out a defense. Instead, he dips his head and accepts the compliment. ]
Thank you, Lark-san. I hope to be a warden that inmates know they can trust to help them.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He's making progress a lot faster than I think he realizes. I worry about his familiar coping skills tripping him up--which is why I'm here. But I think this encounter could be healthy for him...using a language he already knows and rarely gets to use around here. And using it without goading you into trying to kill him.
[He feels better about it now than he had when Kiryu contacted him, at least.]
Tell me a bit about you, if you can? How did you end up on the Barge?
no subject
He specifically warned me against killing him before we started. Though it was never part of our intentions.
[ He doesn’t know how to make that any more clear, and he doesn’t think Lark believes he ever intended it, so he’s content to leave the point there. To his question, he nods. ]
Certainly, Lark-san. I’m assuming you mean more than just ‘I was asked by the Admiral’?
[ He doesn’t wait for the answer. ]
I can’t be in my world anymore. Before I was asked, I was merely going to do my best to disappear, to hide. Let people believe I was dead.
This is a more elegant solution.
no subject
But Kiryu's answer pushes Pagan to the back of his mind and he favors the man with a raised eyebrow.]
What led to you needing to fake your own death?
no subject
An investigation into a hit and run that nearly killed the girl I raised, and her son, resulted in a major embarrassment for the Japanese government.
And it is... not the first time.
[ A bow of his head. ]
I am... someone who causes conflict. Always. [ And he doesn’t hide how much this kills him, how many people it feels like have paid for the fact that he even so much as exists. Watching Daigo across the divide being shot, Saejima’s hands holding him back, keeping him from trying to leap across just to get to his son. The man he’d call son. The head of one of Japan’s leading criminal organizations that he still, in so many ways, sees as a little shit in short pants, the young master. It’s just as vivid to him as watching Haruka hold Haruto, curl up around him to try and protect him from the gunfire before he stepped in front of her... and Yuta.
Whether he can be there to step in front of the bullets or not, there are always bullets when he’s there. There’s always death and loss and violence.
His daughter and her family deserve better. His family deserves better.]
It’s painted a target on the back of that girl, and the children in the orphanage I was running. Her own child. The man she loves.
The best thing I can do for them is disappear. So I did.
no subject
[He doesn't know enough of Kiryu to even guess what shapes he could make, but he's determined to find out over time.]
I understand having to let them go...I can't imagine how difficult that must be. I hope you being here is a sign that you haven't given up on creating changes, though.
no subject
[ He's not shy about that, or proud. It just is; while Akiyama might call him the Hero of Kamurocho, what the little city-within-a-city needs, he's never been sure. He changes things, stops some things, brings about others. Whether he's had a net positive influence? It feels like it at the time, but he's hesitant to come to any conclusions. ]
As for what's to come, I don't know. I hope to take some time to figure out who I am without them there. Who I might be here.
This place is different from anywhere else I've ever been.
no subject
[But finding identity is something Lark has always been deeply interested in, and he tilts his head slightly, a gesture that's almost more canine than human]
How much do you feel you know about yourself right now?
no subject
[ He's not trying to obstruct anything or be difficult; the question struck him as an odd thing to ask a man of his age is all. How much does he feels he knows about himself? Everything, obviously. How he intends to fit into this place, into his home world, into any world... that's the question he's working on.]
I know who I am. How that will fit here, I'm still exploring.
no subject
I ask because the Barge's only purpose is to change people. Well, to give them the chance for it, anyway. It applies to wardens just as much as it does to inmates. Sometimes, it takes away things you don't hold onto.
no subject
Someone seemed surprised to see a space like this in a cabin. Is it unusual, then?
no subject
[He likes it, clearly.]
My cabin has a view of the ocean, but we've never tried to get to it. And other people with children, they don't keep reminders of them. If there were any when they first arrived, they requested them gone. Yours is very...immersive.
no subject
They were. Just... without him.
He can think of a few reasons why a place dedicated to change would present him with a cabin like this. All of them lead him to one conclusion. ]
If this place has bent to provide me a chance to change, even if I don't understand it yet, I would prefer to leave it as it was given to me.
no subject
He thinks about his ultimate goal here: to help reshape the way things go, the divide between groups.]
I think you'll do a lot of good around here.
no subject
Thank you, Lark-san. I hope to be a warden that inmates know they can trust to help them.