[ There's the soft, low sound of his breath out, a relief that Lark caught that and a mild panic because he's not used to anyone caring even if they did. And the idea of apologizing-
To him?]
Asking. Not asking.
[ That's not enough, is it? No, he'll try again.]
It's like telling you not to bite. Not to run. Not to hunt.
[ A breath out.]
You asked, earlier. The price for my answers.
[ He hopes Lark understands this time. He doesn't know how else to put it.]
[Oh. Lark is quiet for a moment, thinking, arranging this over the mistaken assumption earlier.]
I phrased it badly. Because when it comes to asking...I would never ask you not to. I may not always be able to give you answers, but you are always free to ask me anything--and I'd fight to make sure that it's true for everyone else on this ship. The one thing that leads to growth is curiosity.
I just meant that question, what else can I lose, is a dangerous one. I don't believe in fate, so it can't be tempted. But the Admiral can. And besides that....
Just don't let Alec ever hear you ask that. [Because if there is one person on board, one person who knows the answer to that question, it is Alec McDowell. It is X5-494, who was born with no name and just a barcode embroidered in his DNA.] When I met him, I asked him that question. And later on I realized how glib and how cruel it had been. So just...for me, don't say it where he might want to answer it.
[ Lark is no doubt aware of the tensions between Jon and Alec. But there's no anger from Jon's side, just frustration: the itch of two people who agree, completely, on something but disagree just as completely on the means of doing it.
And the idea of lashing out like that, using his abilities or even just excusing his tendencies with that-
No. Never.]
Whether you'd asked or not. Like I said: I choose.
[ He swallows then.]
I have to know. I have to ask. But it's my price to pay.
[ He'd asked that question not glib but lost, tired, feeling hollow. In the privacy of a conversation with someone he's made a habit of opening up to.]
[ A question he's considered a few times, to be honest. Which is why he has an answer.]
I think I knew my world had... shifted...
Right there during my first proper statement. When I felt myself... slide into this- this whole other person. I could- I could taste the alcohol on my tongue, the heavy flavor of tobacco when they'd pulled out a cigarette...
[ Not quite the question, though. Which he addresses a moment later.]
I think I knew I was the Archivist, got my first clue, when Jane Prentiss threatened to kill me on Martin's phone.
No, I haven't. I didn't want to intrude. Things have been- rough, anyway, right now. And I don't make the best impression on intuitive people even when I'm not stressed and sleepless.
[This is actually an important question, though he's trying not to make it sound like it is.
Lark, a wolf, does not tend to jive well with nervous or flighty people. But judging by Jon's reaction--don't think he's missed that particular hesitation--he needs to get on with this one, so he needs to know what angle to use.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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To him?]
Asking. Not asking.
[ That's not enough, is it? No, he'll try again.]
It's like telling you not to bite. Not to run. Not to hunt.
[ A breath out.]
You asked, earlier. The price for my answers.
[ He hopes Lark understands this time. He doesn't know how else to put it.]
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I phrased it badly. Because when it comes to asking...I would never ask you not to. I may not always be able to give you answers, but you are always free to ask me anything--and I'd fight to make sure that it's true for everyone else on this ship. The one thing that leads to growth is curiosity.
I just meant that question, what else can I lose, is a dangerous one. I don't believe in fate, so it can't be tempted. But the Admiral can. And besides that....
Just don't let Alec ever hear you ask that. [Because if there is one person on board, one person who knows the answer to that question, it is Alec McDowell. It is X5-494, who was born with no name and just a barcode embroidered in his DNA.] When I met him, I asked him that question. And later on I realized how glib and how cruel it had been. So just...for me, don't say it where he might want to answer it.
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I wouldn't.
[ Lark is no doubt aware of the tensions between Jon and Alec. But there's no anger from Jon's side, just frustration: the itch of two people who agree, completely, on something but disagree just as completely on the means of doing it.
And the idea of lashing out like that, using his abilities or even just excusing his tendencies with that-
No. Never.]
Whether you'd asked or not. Like I said: I choose.
[ He swallows then.]
I have to know. I have to ask. But it's my price to pay.
[ He'd asked that question not glib but lost, tired, feeling hollow. In the privacy of a conversation with someone he's made a habit of opening up to.]
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[ There's a very huffy sort of noise there, pure irritation more than anything.]
Apparently there are just... things I need to 'experience'.
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When did you find out you're the Archivist?
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I think I knew my world had... shifted...
Right there during my first proper statement. When I felt myself... slide into this- this whole other person. I could- I could taste the alcohol on my tongue, the heavy flavor of tobacco when they'd pulled out a cigarette...
[ Not quite the question, though. Which he addresses a moment later.]
I think I knew I was the Archivist, got my first clue, when Jane Prentiss threatened to kill me on Martin's phone.
[ There's a pause now, as he realizes-]
Have you met Martin yet?
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No, I haven't. I didn't want to intrude. Things have been- rough, anyway, right now. And I don't make the best impression on intuitive people even when I'm not stressed and sleepless.
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[ How does one describe Martin? How does he describe Martin?
Whatever he says, it will be said with a begrudging sort of fondness.]
Kind. Skittish but...
He's more than you'd expect. Though not particularly... intuitive.
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He was assigned as my assistant. So our... first meeting was somewhat professional.
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[This is actually an important question, though he's trying not to make it sound like it is.
Lark, a wolf, does not tend to jive well with nervous or flighty people. But judging by Jon's reaction--don't think he's missed that particular hesitation--he needs to get on with this one, so he needs to know what angle to use.]
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[ And this is a bit more awkward.]
I... may have intimidated him, just a little. I think, once he's, uh, once he's got something of a feel for you, he'll settle out.
[ He can guess what these questions are about.]
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[Hint, hint.]
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[ You're not subtle, Lark.]
Well, I'll see if I can invite you over at the same time, but... just in case you stumble into him. Or, er, vice versa.